After reading some of the old posts and imagining some of the different types of toilets there world wide I would like to decribe for you the aussie thunder boxes from my childhood ...
These were usually a timber structure about 5' square located some distance from the house with a peek roof and a heave timber door like the old out houses of the usa inside there is plywood box built against the back wall with a hole about 2' round in the top that you sit on .Inside this there is a can or bucket that every thing you do goes in to they smelt terrible and felt discusting to use but they were all we had. This can was emptied once a week by the night soil or dunny man. You would be sitting on the box pooing and the dunny man would open the little door in the back of the building and pull out the full can and put a new one in it was a very funny feeling .There were 11 of us in the family and everyone was pretty open about there toilet habbets hell we had to be there was no priva! cy. If you had to go at night you would allways go with someone bigger than you so they could check for snakes or spiders and you got to hold the lamp and watch them go but in turn they got to see you go and i mean everything it didnt worry us as getting bitten by a snake or spider would have been worse.
I can remember as a young girl going with mum she would sit down on the box and open her legs and sit me on her lap and we would poo together she would hold me around the belly and every time she would bear down she would squease me so i would to i would feel my poo comming out and hear mums comming out of her at the same time I dont know if she did the same with the other kids or just me and me little sister iam second last.
any way i will post more about growing up later
I've got a quick story. Yesterday my sister was watching the Rugrats Movie for the zillionth time and about half way through she got up to go pee but my mom was already in the bathroom, so my sister sat back down and not even a minute later she got up again but my mom was still in the bathroom. I felt like torturing her so I started making sounds to make her have to pee worse. About a minute later I could tell she was desperate so I knew I should quit. My mom still didn't come out a few minutes later and Lauren (my sister) was hopping around like a bunny.
"Lauren why don't you just go in your pants, you know mom won't get mad."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, look if mom gets mad I'll tell her I told you to do it."
She let loose and flooded her purple sweats. I could tell by the look on her face that she was really relieved.
I'll tell another story later on, hopefully sometime before the next weekend.
I just don't understand all this grunting and straining and 45 minutes on the toilet. If you have to sit that long, you don't have to go. I literally spend less time dumping than it takes me to empty a full bladder. Get some fiber in your diet, folks!!! With regards to hairy cracks, etc. I highly recommend a bidet. I bought a house that has one and it is really indispensible now. I turn the thing on before dumping to get the temperature right, then when I'm done dumping I just perch on the bidet and turn up the pressure. It blasts clean the whole area--you see pulverized chunks going down the drain--then you only need one wipe to dry off. It's so easy. No poop on the fingers, no anal abrasions from excessive wiping. A roll of toilet paper at my house lasts forever. Mine is a Kohler. Really---get one!
I nearly fell down the toilet laughing at the post from Hiker Uk. I was only doing a wee wee and George booted up the computer then started to laugh when he had logged into this site. I pulled up my knicks (big floral print white briefs for those interested) and came to have a read for my self. I suppose in a way there are similarities to the Ally Mac Beal scenario as we have a unisex staff toilet (anyone not wanting to use it is free to use the clients toilets which are separate Ladies and Gents and this also satisfies the relevant legislation on toilet provision). Of course I am a lot bigger than Calista Flockhart, possibly twice her weight as she does look very skinny. I somehow dont see my partners changing the name of our firm to "Jimmy Mac Crapper and Partners" I have however come across some toilet sounding names. There was a business called Mc Keigh and Co and "Keigh" is a Scots word for poo. I have met someone called Guff (smell) and of course "Smellie" is not that un! common as a name in Scotland, I have even met a woman called Helen with that surname, thus "Nellie Smellie". I once met a man who's first name was "Jobby" though he pronounced it "JOEBEE" and to please the urination fans who seem to be more prevalent on this web site these days I have met a woman who's surname was Pisser (pronounced Peaser). The best I have read about was a Thomas Farr who of course often saw his name printed on forms etc as "Farr.T" If anyone else knows of names with a toilet association let's have them.
I have used a doorless toilet a few times when doing a motion. At school one of the changing (locker) rooms attached to the Gyms had 3 WC pans but the doors were removed when the place was being re-furbished and not replaced. Now as we teenaged girls had to use a communal shower anyway after games or exercise, most of us didn't mind. I suppose its different when you are with friends or classmates. In a Public Ladies Toilet without a door on the cubic! le (stall) I would be a bit more anxious, not so much for some other woman seeing me sitting on the pan doing a motion or a wee wee, after all we all do it and I have often seen other people doing a number two since I was a kid and let others watch, but there have been cases of men sneaking into women's public toilets to commit sexual assault or rape and when one is seated on a toilet pan with one's panties at one's knees as perhaps an big turd coming out of your arse one is in a very vulnerable position. I have as told in old posts, done a motion in the toilet pan in a woman's cell in a Police Station (Police Office as we say in Scotland), when visiting a female client. She didnt mind, nor did I and she even took the blame when my jobbie wouldnt flush away because it was too big and the jailer saw it stuck down the pan. I would explain that in the UK in many Police Stations the detention cells for suspects held awaiting appearance at the Magistrate's Court have a toilet pan a! t the end of the cell in open view so that prisoners cannot hide, take drugs, etc. This WC is also flushed externally by the officer -Jailer- in charge of prisoners, so the detainee has to ask the jailer to flush the toilet. In hot weather the stink can be quite powerful, especially if anxiety has given the prisoner loose bowels. As regards using a cubicle with no door in public Ladies Toilet I did this recently when I was needing a motion when I had gone for a walk and although it was a good solid poo I didnt want to risk holding it in till I got back to the house. There was a Ladies Toilet in the car park nearby so I went in there. The other 4 cubicles had doors and were occupied but the one at the end had no door. It was however otherwise usable and I felt the big jobbie start to come down (getting the turtle's head as they say) so I went in, hitched up my skirt, pulled my knickers, (white Sloggi Maxi Briefs) down to the top of my thighs and started to do my wee wee, while! the jobbie, which was an easy smooth but nice solid formed one slid out into the large old style toilet pan with a loud "KOOR-SPOOL-LOOMP!" As this was happening a girl of about 16 came in, walked to the end, looked at me sitting there just as the jobbie made its depth charge noise dropping into the water, started to giggle and I heard her walk back to the door and say to another girl "The toilets are all engaged even the one without a door. There was a fat red headed woman sitting there doing a huge shit by the sound of it" They went away no doubt to find another toilet. I was only annoyed at being described as fat! For those who like the detail my jobbie was about 12 inches long, light brown, smooth and solid, 2.5 inches thick and slightly curved, and it stuck in the pan when I pulled the flush so I left it for others to see. If I had tried to hold it in and failed it would have made a huge mess in the seat of my panties, so it was the smart move to do it in this doorless ! toilet instead.
David from Coventry, I have some cousins who live in that City though I havent seen them for years. Hope you enjoy the postings and have looked back to the old posts. Let's have more of your experiences. George and I met while sharing a house as university students and I realised that he was listening to me doing a motion and got a buzz from seeing my jobbies. Hope you find a nice girl to buddy dump with.
Dork, I dont claim to be an expert on this but most men I know if right handed wear their genitals to the left with the crotch of the trousers in the right groin. This at least is the case with men who wear briefs, I cant answer for those wearing undershorts or boxers as none of the men I have known that closely wear these. Even my father wore Y Front briefs when I was a girl as did my young brother and George has worn Girls panties (briefs) since he was a kid.
All the best from "Moira Mac Jobbie" (let's hope the name doesnt stick ! like my big jobbies!)
Elena-- Great story, I sure understand about
struggling with hard poops mine are that way
also. Please do tel us the story about when
you had a suppository. I'd also love to hear
how your older sister go an enema. Tell Linda
to hurry up and heal I miss her.-- JW
Hi Nydia, welcome to the forum. You sound like a very pretty lady, hope to hear you describe more of the types of daily dumps you take. It is so good to see more ladies posting here as I enjoy reading their post. After a brutal day at the office, coming home and relaxing by the PC and reading all the post especially the discriptions of the women dumping brings a big relief of tension. I have been sort of constipated in the last few months, so I have added more fiber to my diet and leafy vegitables and my dumps have changed from hard to soft and mushy. Ahh, relief!
P.S.- Get ready for another market drop this week due to the MICROSOFT mess, oh crap!!
Hi all! Still here but this is an especially busy time of the year so no time to post much. I was fascinated by the two posts relating to a preponderance of hair in one's
bottom crack (or would those in the UK say bum furrow?) and how this causes technical problems when wiping. As many of the regulars may remember, I have been singing the praises of Kleenex Cottonelle brand wet wipes for a long time, and manage to have a ziplok bag of them with me when I'm not at home--it has saved me countless times especially in airplanes and places where the TP is like production grade sandpaper or even missing. An alternate to that is to get TP prior to entering a public stall and pre-wet it. Don't be alarmed if you have multiple dumps in one day and you wipe your anus raw and the paper is slightly blood-tinged. That disappears quickly if rawness is the only reason for that.
Regarding having the hair in one's butt crack waxed: can I watch? No, actually, I was surprised! to learn that there's a salon in Bloomington, Indiana, home of my alma mater, Indiana University, that will perform this service! How wouldja like to be the technician who looks at his or her schedule in the morning and mumbles, "OK, two bikini's, four upper lips, and three butt cracks today" as the instrumentarium is arranged for the day's appointments? I guess common courtesy says you arrive for that appointment squeaky clean back there, wouldn't you think?
I'm told that regular patrons of waxing salons prefer the prescription cream Emla to deal with the intense stinging pain that sometimes results from the procedure. Though I don't know if this is practical for the "sidewalls" of a bottom crack because it may just show through whatever you're wearing, especially if it's dark in color. Emla is a combo local anesthetic with prilocaine and lidocaine if I'm not mistaken.
And I'm not a dermatologist, but I always wonder about the number of times folliculiti! s (inflammation of the hair follicle) develops with waxing any area of the body with hair. Surely this would make the idea of carrying wet ones th most practical solution. They are not cheap but they are worth it.
Sunday, April 02, 2000
I love it when I see a cute girl enter the female toilet, hear the stall door slam shut and the toilet sit banging down. However, try as I might, I cannot hear any noises after that. Sigh...
Salma Hayak on the toilet...wow.
Public Toilet Hater
Both sides. You mean you only use one? I don't understand.
Thom, good to see you back here. I haven't posted too much recently as I don't really relate to stories about women's poops or accidents, and wouldn't know how to respond. It would be excellent if we could balance this forum with more male pooping experiences written by males. It was like that before; let's get those male dumps back!
I've just come back from the cinema with my friend Nat, and yes, he came over for lunch last Thursday. And of course he did his dump at my place. As usual he shut the door and as soon as he sat down he did a nice tight high-pitched fart, then a little grunt, then a few seconds of crackling sounds, followed by 2 big splashes as his logs hit the water. The a nice long piss and he went "aahh". It is just so cool when Nat shits and I wonder if he has any idea that I'm listening.
His 18th birthday is in 10 days--we're planning a celebration. Keep you all posted!
'bye for now, Daniel
Well done, PV, congratulations on the new record! And you can hold on to a full bladder for four hours - wow, I'm impressed!
Timid Tigress, it sounds like you have something that's been mentioned quite often here, 'spurious diarrhea' which is where a big poo is stuck in the rectum (i.e. constipation) and the poo from behind it has to flow around the sides of this big stuck poo in order to come out. A lot of more knowledgeable posters here have recommended inserting a bit of Vaseline or taking a dose of mineral oil. Good luck!
Hiker_UK, thanks for the jokes (I almost peed my pants laughing at the misheard lyrics)!
I've been playing with a new gadget like the one on the 'Women Who Pee Standing' site; it's a medicine measuring spoon with a hollow handle. I heated the end with a cigarette lighter for a few seconds and then punched a hole in it with a screwdriver. When I stick the spoon part up against my pee hole and then start, it flows out of the hole! in the end very nicely. I've tried it three times so far, the first time naked in the shower and then wearing panties and shorts, with the crotch pushed aside and the spoon handle sticking out of one leg. I still dribbled a little bit on the leg of my shorts and the crotch of my panties, but not as much. With some practice, I think this will work, even through jeans!
I had a really good poo last night, after not moving my bowels in the morning as usual. I passed a short, fat carrot in the afternoon and thought that was all, but quite unexpectedly at night I had a really strong urge. I was going to put on a face pack and sit on the toilet for a while, but all of a sudden my stomach cramped hard and I could feel a poo about to leave my rectum, so I changed my mind about the face pack and ran for the toilet. The poo started coming immediately as soon as I sat down. I didn't pee much as I'd gone only about half an hour earlier. It was a very satisfying easy, thick, light! brown 12-incher, followed by a little soft blob that stuck between my cheeks and had to be wiped away. I've been too busy to poo today as well, so I'll expect another good one soon...
i like to hear pee stories so please post any you have.
Hi everyone. I want to respond to some of the questions I've seen lately.
Away from home, I use urinals to pee, but at home, I always sit to pee. I hate cleaning the bathroom, and this helps keep it clean. Recently, one of my friends came over and had to pee. I jokingly told him to sit on the toilet so he would not splatter the toilet and floor (which I had just cleaned). He gave me a weird look, then right in front of me, turned around, pulled down his pants, sat on the toilet, put his elbows on his knees, and proceeded to pee. We've been best friends for years and I had never seen him on the toilet. We both laughed about it.
I sit when I wipe and I wipe from back to front. At home, I wet the toilet paper and put a little bit of liquid soap on it because I like to be clean. At work, if no one is in the restroom, I wet a few paper towels and take them into the stall with me. I wipe until nothing appears on the toilet paper. During my last couple of! wipes, I bend far forward (my head is at my knees) so I can deep clean. I really hate wiping, so a few months ago, I decided to shave what little hair I have in my crack because I thought that would reduce the amount of time I spend wiping. What a mistake that that turned out to be! Not only did it feel strange when I walked, but as the hair grew back, it itched like crazy. I'll never do that again.
I had another disaster a few weeks ago. Some of you may recall I noticed a young Asian guy squatting on the toilet in the restroom at the mall. One night, my roommate was out so I decided to try it at home. I took off all my clothes and squatted on the toilet seat. It really felt weird and I had to figure out how to balance myself so I would not fall. I started pushing out some poop. It was interesting to watch it slowly come out. At first it just hung there, so I gave one more push. To my horror, it went backwards a bit and landed with a splat on the back of ! the toilet seat. I had to get out the cleaner and scrub the seat. I thought I was aiming correctly, but I guess it takes practice to squat on a toilet.
Thom - it's great to see you are still here. I used to really enjoy your stories. Post some more please. I prefer the guy pooping stories. I really wish I could buddy dump with someone or watch someone. I wonder what happened to Brent and Carlos? They had cool stories too.
Well this post is long enough. Maybe my next post will be about the toilet habits of my roommates. Someone recently asked about that and I do have a few interesting stories to tell.
In response to Adam and Tony's celebrity buddy dump list, I thought I would check in with my list. My ultimate fantasy would be to watch Teri Hatcher and Ashley Judd buddy dump together and share a toilet like Alan & Lynn who post on here do. I would be honored to take a shit with these two women. Among the other women that I would like to either watch take a dump or buddy dump with are as follows:
Hillary Clinton ( who I would love to see buddy dump with Tipper Gore)
Anna Kournikova (tennis beauty)
Faith Hill (solo or buddy dumping with Shania Twain)
Jennifer Love Hewitt (buddy dumping with her would be the ultimate)
Sarah Michelle Geller
Calista Flockhart (who actually took a buddy dump with Courtney Thorne Smith, sitting on her lap on Ally McBeal)
Annabella Sciorra (one of the most under rated babes in Hollywood)
I hope my list was'nt too long and I would be interested in hearing other people's lists.
Tony, You listed some of the former posters and I am one. I read the site daily but have not had any stories to post. I am missing some of the former people as well. Carlos, Brent C., Gary, Craig, Chris (male),Aarron, Robbie where are you? Post some stories and maybe I will get inspired to add something. Drew I am always glad to see you post. Hope that one of these days you will finally see Nick in the bathroom (or he will see you). Daniel (UK) I
love your stories and your friendship with Nat.Also like
the stories of Studland Beach. What a name! Harry from the Northwest I had a similar experience when I was 18 and on the last family vacation that I went on. Could not take a dump either. Spent more time in the Mens room trying to dump then I did looking at the Grand Canyon or the other sites. Now I always travel with suppositories.
I prefer stories about guys taking a dump. Not into the peeing stories as much. I tend to have a hard time dumping
! and have to use suppositories frequently in order to go. Love the stories of the guys buddy dumping with a friend or
brother etc. In a job now with only a one toilet. No
chance to share it with anyone. Have not had any houseuguests to dump with or around either.
Hope some of you guys will start posting again.
guests lately that I can buddy dump with.
To NJ- In the movie "Fools Rush In", there is a scene showing Salma Hayak on the toilet.
To Cheryl- I really liked your post about pooping on the raft. More stories please!
Hello, I have discovered this web site and I am delighted that there are others like me.
I am 20 and a student and have recently, thanks to a gift from an uncle, been able to buy a flat and also bought a computer. Since childhood, like many others who post here I have been turned on by passing a good solid bowel movement and listening to others doing so and seeing what they have done. Until I moved to University (Aston in Birmingham), I lived with my parents and two sisters and enjoyed listening when mum or the two girls did a big motion and sometimes I saw their jobbies when they were too big to flush away. I was aware that there might be web sites dealing with such interests but obviously I couldnt use the university computers (they have powerful software installed to block any "porno" or "adult" sites and would discipline students who abuse their equipment), nor did I want to access sites such as this when I had to share a house with 3 other students. Like most of! the British posters I am not in to diarrhea, (although like most people I do suffer from the odd attack of this horrible illness), nor do peeing stories do anything for me at all. I dont want to get into the recent "flaming" on this or YANKS v BRITS, whatever floats your boat.
Until I moved into my flat a week ago I shared a rented house with 3 other students, one being a girl called Elaine. She wasnt a big fat girl, quite well shaped but slim but did the most enormous solid jobbies which often got stuck in the toilet pan to my great delight. For Elaine to pass a fat 12 inch carrot shape was quite common and I was only too happy to volunteer to unblock the toilet pan after she had done one as the other 2 blokes were squeamish about such things. Sometimes I would buddy dump my own jobbie on top of hers, and I always liked listening to her gasps and grunts "UH! NN! AH! then the "KUR-SPLOONK!" when she did her motion, though the really big ones often made no sound at al! l.
I usually pass quite big turds myself, and the odd panbuster of 12 inches long is reasonably common for me, though more often I will drop a fat jobbie of about 9 inches long and a couple of shorter turds of about 6 inches then 4 inches, sometimes some hard balls then a big torpedo. If I go first thing in the morning I will pass a long smooth sausage or two.
Best of luck to all the posters here and its great to know I am not alone. David.
Hi Tony, I am still here, and read this page every few days.
Nothing exceptional to report, other than good regular bowels and a healthy appetite!
If you can stand the pain(you'd have to get used to it),
yopu could get your butt crack waxed at a salon. It'll make
wiping alot easier. I've been getting my butt crack waxed
for years now at a salon in Bloomington,IN.
Just trying to help.
The shower pooper.
Sorry I haven't been at the computer for a week or so, but I went on holiday with my parents and to make matters worse, the place that we stayed at didn't have a removable shower plug-hole!
In answer to all. No, showering down the plug hole is very hygienic, just make sure you don't miss. After a few tries you can aim with out much trouble. It also depends on the plug hole size. I've gotten so good at it, that I dont even see the poops because they dont even touch the sides, and after all, all the pipes go to the same place.
What I do, is wash my hair after (its long, thick and red) and then wash all the shampoo down after the poops, and also all the soap from my body.
I have only pooped down the school shower ONCE, because I was so desperate. I now hang on till I get home.
I went and searched for my old post last year, and thought others might like to share it.
So here it is:
Christine (at16) I am sending this from a friends! computer. This little secret I haven't shared with anyone, not my parents, not even my best friend. I discovered it about two years ago when I had just turned sixteen. We had moved into a new house by the river, and the shower was much farther from the toilet than in the house we had come from. I was in the shower when suddenly I had a desperate urge to go for a poop, I mean desperate, I didn't have time to step out of the shower and get dressed, walk through the house, in front of all our dinner guests, and go to the toilet. I would have gone in my pants by then. My only escape was to do it down the drain, there was nothing else I could do. I got out of the shower, got a toothbrush, leant down in the shower and pried the stainless-steel cover of the hole. By now I was almost bent double with the pain. I squatted over the hole, wrapped my arms around my legs to keep my balance, thanking my lucky stars that I was small - otherwise I would have fallen over, and shuffled a bit s! o my hole lined up with the hole in the tiled floor. Then let go. I thought it was going to go forever, a few farts, I could hear the poops going down the plug hole with a gloop, gloop. I prayed that I had lined up well, as I didn't fancy cleaning up the mess with my hands, then after about 20 seconds it stopped. I leant down and tentatively looked between my legs, expecting a great big mess on the floor, but nothing, it had all went down the plug hole, the hot water from the shower following after it. I put my fingers down my crack and felt my hole, and was shocked to feel my ring was swollen so much, I thought there was something wrong with me, only later realizing it was normal. Just that I had never squatted down like that before. But I felt so cleaned, and free, inside and outside! There was no fear of the smell or farting with other people outside the door listening, because it was all muffled by the sounds of the water, and perfume of the shampoo and soap, it was a perf! ect solution. All the drains go to the same place anyway. Since then, I try and hold on for the shower, though not always because I sometimes go at school or our regular toilet, but when I do - I dream of the shower. If I'm going to poop in the shower, I wash my hair, and I have a lot of red hair too, and wash all the shampoo down with the poop. I've only had one or two disasters, when I didn't line my hole and the drain hole up perfectly and I had to push a poop down the drain with my toe, that otherwise it is one of the best things I've ever discovered, I recommend it. You feel so clean after, and never have fear of smelling or making a mess of your pants! If anyone liked that experience I will tell you of a secret that happened to me six months later in the forest.
Well, my new record of 700mL has already toppled! Last night I pushed the fabled 750mL mark! I had coffee, tea, water, and held for probably four hours. The pee-dance as I sat at this console was quite remarkable, the full repertoire of squirming, rocking around, crossing and uncrossing my legs, grabbing my privates in a very firm grip to let my internal muscles relax a bit... I left only one tiny wee spot in my panties. Eventually there was just no more holding it, I went to the toilet, put the container under my puss and relaxed... The first 500mL were a given, but when I resumed weeing I found I kinda dribbled a bit, just kept the flow dipping as my bladder relaxed and contracted enough for me to get the urge to flow again, and -- though some might say this is cheating -- after about two minutes I was empty at last, and I figure my total volume as around 750mL. There was a remarkable sense of victory!
I tried again tonight but only managed to gold ! for two hours. I was every bit as desperate but only managed to pee around the 600mL mark. It turned out I had a rectum full of liquid poo to deliver as well, I sat to measure rather than streaming standing, and my thinking is that pressure from my rectum meant my bladder could not distend backward, thus limiting the volume. It's fairly unusual for me to poo in the evenings, hopefully I'll do better tomorrow.
STEVE: What a delightful experience for you to have as an introduction to the joys of free peeing! That's a memory to treasure, as are your 400 sightings! You know, there's something a bit crude about the common social image of a man urinating, while the female equivalent is still shrouded in public mystery... Am I making sense? it shouldn't be, as Louise, Gabrielle, myself and others make rather clear, there's nothing a he can do in this department that a she can't as well. But the act of female urination continues to have this mytsique... It's rather fun in tha! t sense.
How's this for a close call. Last time I went to the nude, beach, last summer, I'd drunk so much water filling up on the weay that I needed to wee before ever getting to the sands. A half-kilometer from the disrobing point is the only loo, and I used the men's as I came around the corner, a guy came out and went to his car. He never saw me. Male out, female in! Stealth! I deposited probably 400mLs in a steel trough on the wall, then. comfortable, proceeded for the sands, which I left in a more golden state than normal...
NJ: On squat poos, I tried again the other day just on the spur of the moment. Out fell a small soft blob. I pushed, felt like something was coming out, but it wouldn't drop. After a while I looked. Nothing there. I checked in my panties and leggings -- nothing. Talk about phantom poos!
LOUISE: Wicked, yes, but educational for him! Ha! And it was hardly a damaging thing. I've not had the nerve to actually set out to be seen,! though when I use a men's room I'm usually tense until I get my flow started, then I'd rather like it if someone came in and saw me in full flow. Crazy, huh?!
Your mom sounds such a trooper! She must be such fun to be with. I can kinda visualise you two standing shoulder to shoulder on the tile step, washing down the wall with strong, hot shafts! Your wee mingling in the gutter and flowing away! And what a terrific experiment in the bath! I wish my mom was the kind to egage in this kind of fun, but unfortunately she never was. I doubt she has the first inkling that it's possible, and at her age wouldn't *want* to know. Sigh.
I'll let you know what I manage through a zip fly. One poster on another forum -- I think it was Gabrielle -- cited extra-tight jeans as a plus in weeing through the zip, as the zip acted to outline the genital slit and draw the tissues back by natural pressure. I've not figured this out yet, bit it would be nice to. I have a recurring f! antasy of being able to stop on a road side, step around on the gravel and take a needed wee without so much as loosening my belt!
Distance and volume -- I read about a 13 year old girl who weed 13 feet! I'm not sure I trust the report, the best reliable data I've come across suggests 7 feet is max for an adult. ut there's always a new champ coming along... Imagine is having a wee was an Olymic event. Imagine the trials and elliminations... The team would be composed entirely of females, of course. As you demonstrated to Steve, with the best will in the world the female is simply better engineered for it!
I'll have to try going backwards, it sounds like you're having lots of fun! Say, where's your swim centre -- maybe I could swing by the UK and hose the wall too! (Or we could do Studland Beach... He!He! Just joking!)
Take care, have fun, and maintain a high angle of attack! (Fighter pilot talk...)