Museum dumpHi everyone,
It's been a VERY long time since I've posted, still with my senior wife Artiss, of whom I've told you all about in previous posts here concerning her touchy bowels. Well in today's post, it's not her bowels that caused a problem, rather it was mine instead, if you want to call it that. Here's what happened.
Me and my beloved both decided to visit a local historical museum in a nearby community. This place was basically a rich guy's mansion from before the Civil War with a visitor/greeting center right next door on the grounds. Tours of the mansion leave every hour and we got there just before the half-hour, so we had time to look around the visitor's center and chat with the museum docent who would be leading our tour.
Well, my bowels had been a bit sluggish lately and as we were talking with the docent, I could feel the urge a little more than slightly, so I decided that it was as good a time as any to attempt to relieve myself, so I excused myself from the two ladies and located the men's room, which had one handicap-accessible stall, one urinal and one sink. I got myself situated in the stall, and the first thing that I realized was that this was going to be a difficult stool to pass. VERY difficult-like eye-bulging, vein-popping difficult.
I set myself to the task, giving every ounce of energy that i had and then some giving birth to the MONSTER turd that slowly and with every ounce of difficulty that I had anticipated, followed by some smaller turdlets.
Now to the task of wiping my ass, which didn't come easy either as the huge turd had left a greasy streak in my butt cleavage that would NOT clean up easy. So I used massive amounts of TP, wrapping the sheets around my left hand like a glove as is my normal habit.
Finally, I was all done with everything, so I re-robed myself and turned to pull the flush handle. Well the first thing that I found out right away was that the toilet had very low water pressure. So the water swooshed around my mess, but to no avail, my monster turd combined with the TP was blocking the hole and the pressure wasn't strong enough to push it through, so there it sat in the bottom of the bowl.
I tried a second, then a third time before finally deciding to give it up and leave it to the janitor to deal with as I didn't want the ladies outside, especially the museum docent, to hear my continual flushing. So I finally washed my hands and came out to the ladies. I had been gone about 15 minutes at this point and Artiss just kind of looked at me and raised her eyebrows in inquiry of my long absence.
Well, while I had been in there struggling away, a family with school-aged children had come along and the parents were now engaging the docent's attention while the kids ran around exploring the visitor's center. Me and Artiss went into the next room and were looking at some beautiful pottery displays by a local artist in the next room before she looked at her watch and said "Patrick, we need to get up front for the tour." I had already told her of my difficulties in defecating as well as the problem with flushing and we both got a good chuckle out of that.
Anyhow, as we proceeded towards the front, we were both vaguely aware of the children's voices from the men's room and then we heard the toilet flush. More children's voices and then a second flush, followed by a little boy's loud exclamation of "Got it!!!" loud and clear through the restroom door. We both had to do an ab out-face and head back into the pottery room where we just about split our sides laughing-poor Artiss-I thought that she was going to pee in her panties from laughing so hard.
So anyhow, we finally got it together and went up front to meet the docent and begin our tour. The family with the children were included in the group. And to top off a perfect laugh, later on in the tour as we were going through the house, the docent showed us the indoor privies with a cesspool beneath, with the family's toilets on the upstairs floor and the servants beneath on the first floor.
It was all that either one of us could do to keep from bursting out laughing right in the middle of the tour and the docent and other tour guests thinking we were crazy. A perfect day together as a couple.
Survey responseHi, this survey from Carin caught my eye so I thought I'd quickly answer it!
1. How often do you hold it until you get home from school?
On average it was probably about 50-50, I generally didn't mind using the school loos to have a poo after the first couple of years of senior school as they finally refurbished some of the toilets so they were much more pleasant and alot of girls were happy to use them when they needed a poo.
2. How many hours have you held it? What is the average?
I usually get the urge for a poo mid morning so if I did hold it I would normally do so for about 5 hours.
3. What are the three biggest reasons you hold it? (noise, cleanliness, time, condition of seats, lack of privacy doors, no or low quality toilet paper, overflowing toilets, lines too long, refusal to sit on public toilet, graffiti, smoke, other disturbances, mean teachers, etc.)
Some days I just didn't get enough time to go for a poo or if I was constipated (which happened quite often) I was embarrassed about needing to spend ages on the loo at school and having to strain. Although the loos were modern and clean the only problem was the cubicle partitions were really flimsy so any noises you made could easily be heard in the next cubicle, I didn't much like the idea of the girl on the loo next to me hearing my noises as when I'm constipated I have huge fat and hard poos so I have to push really hard and then end up grunting quite a bit!
4. What do your parents or friends say about holding it?
To be honest I never discussed it with my parents, my friends were sympathetic because a lot of them held it too! The biggest problem with holding it was that quite often my poo would start to poke out and then I would end up with marks in my knickers, from talking to my friends and going to the loo with them I realised their knickers sometimes got marked too so I certainly wasn't the only one with that problem!! Some days it was only just starting to poke out on the way back home and then the skidmarks wouldn't be too bad, but other times it would be poking out for most of the afternoon and by the time I got home my knickers would be really dirty, it really wasn't that nice sitting in class and knowing I had dirty knickers on but I hated to ask to use the loo during lessons, although most teachers would let you go I knew I'd be gone ages if I needed a poo and then it would be really embarrassing when I got back!
Did you have a previous bad experience in grade or middle school?
I had the door open a couple of times when I was on the loo which was really embarrassing, the locks weren't much good so it happened quite a bit. Typically both times I was having a poo so I was sitting there in all my glory, skirt pulled up and knickers round my knees and with a really red face, partly because I was straining and partly due to my major embarrassment!! Also one day some really nasty girls looked over the top of my cubicle and made fun of my underwear, I was about 15 then and at an age when more and more girls were starting to wear lacy undies and thongs I was still in cotton girls pants- really comfy but not exactly trendy! I had some white and pastel coloured knickers and if I'd been wearing those I might just about have got away with it, but typically that day I seem to remember I was wearing really grim flowery knickers, although luckily I was having a wee not a poo so I guess it could have been worse!!
6. Do you pee at school? How many times a day on average?
I probably went for a wee about 2-3 times a day on average.
Will try to post again soon, bye for now!
BrandonTo Brandon: Yeah, I could drink eggnog for poop relief. Anyway, today my stomach didn't like my breakfast, so I went outside to barf over the side of the raling for our front steps rather than go to the toilet. Sometimes my ???? guts project outwards all over, so I didn't want to take that chance at the loo. From what I could tell, nobody saw. Even if they did, nobody said anything. To the writer who wrote about Anabelle: I love hearing farts in the bathroom, even my own. Although I've gotten sick outside, I've never peed outdoors. I've never heard others do number 1, nor 2 outside yet in my life either, but I did however, hear someone pee themselves on a criminal show once.
My uncle and I were in NYC. He muttered as we were leaving Grand Central that he needed to find a toilet soon. I asked him if he needed a pee. He said that while he could wait a little longer, he would be VERY happy to relieve himself. We decided to go back to the hotel room since he had to go to the bathroom. We made the 20 minute walk from 54th street down to our room. I noticed him grabbing his penis through his pants during stoplights. When we finally got in our elevator, he seemed frantic. His legs were crossed, his hand didn't seem to be able to leave his crotch, and he was grimacing. When we finally got in the room, he removed his jacket and told me he was close to peeing his pants. "It's been so long sine I last went" he said. He slammed open the door and didn't bother to close it, frantically wrenched his pants down, and sighed loudly as he aimed his penis at the toilet and pee sprayed and hissed. After a minute, he let out a long sigh. "That felt good".
To Toilet CarNice to see you back! Loved your stories in the past and so I'd love to hear more, please share them!