Jacob
Just thought of another story about my cousin. To remind you she is a year younger than me but she is very well developed for her age. Brown hair, probably c-cup, blue eyes, 5'6", skinny, i guess a big butt for her age, well lets say she could have a boyfriend whenever she wanted to. anyways here's the story.
So maybe a month ago I was at her house and her parents were out and we were just hanging out after we got back from some movie she wanted to see but couldn't go to by herself. I think it was some chick flick or another. anyways we got back to her house and she decided that she wanted to make desert for herself. i wasnt hungry so i didnt have any. well she made this big chocolate shake and while she was making it i was talking to her and she opened up this package of what looked like chocolate chips but i had never seen that kind of bag before and i asked what brand that was and she said she didnt know. she had found it in the pantry (you can see where this is going). well she drank all of it and we were watching tv and suddenly i heard her stomach rumble really loud and i asked her if she was hungry again. she grimaced and said no, i think i have to poop. well we watched some more tv and then we started talking about her school and this guy she likes or sometin and she starts farting a lot. i asked her when the last time she pooped was and she said 4 days ago. well she starts holding her stomach and stuff and i tell her that maybe it was all of the chocolate in the shake that is getting things moving. i went and checked the choc chips package and it turned out that it was like a laxative thing. i told her and she said crap, i wish my mom didnt buy those things. anyways we kept talking and finally she gets up to go to the bathroom and she motions for me to come so we can keep talking. so she sits down and i saw her vagina as she sat. she has her hair shaved into a straight line. anyways she sat down and i sat on the bathtub across from her. she started farting a lot. like these big long ones that really stunk. then she started to push and i heard a long crackling sound but not a plop becuase i guess it was so long that it went into the water before it broke off. then there were a bunch of logs that went plop. maybe 6 or 7. then she started doing these rabbit pellets. maybe 25 or 30. then there was a huge plop and she said ouch that one was wide. and then she had some soft serve from the laxative. when she was done she asked me if i wanted to see. i said sure and looked in the bowl and all of the water was gone. there were like 8 or 9 big logs. 1 long one that curled around the bowl. most of the logs were 2 inches thick. then were a lot of little poops that looked like rabbit poop and then there was soft serve on top of everything. i told her to flush before she wiped and so she did and it took like 3 flushes for everything to go down and there was a bunch of skidmarks on the bowl. it smelled awful by now and i was almost gagging. she then wiped 7 or 8 times and flushed again and then i lit a match to help with the smell and we left the bathroom and went back to watching tv.
hope you enjpyed the story sorry it was so long. if anyone has any questions or requests feel free to voice them
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
LORRAINE
TOILET FARTING SURVEY: ANSWER AS MANY AS YOU CAN
1. Do you usually fart when you pee and do a number number. Is it rare, average, or frequent
2. Do you have an explosive fart at least once a week or month? Is the soft, medium, or loud
3. Have anybody ever head you fart while in the restroom or have you heard anyone else. any reaction
4. Have you ever been in crowded stall and heard more than one person farting loud at one time? what did they sound like
5. Have you ever responded after hearing someone fart in the restroom or someone responded to you
6. Have you ever been on the phone or heard someone else on the phone when when in the restroom and a fart occurred and the person heard it. what did they say.
7. Have you ever had a continuous streak of farts while using the restroom
8. Have there been a situation where you were in a stall and a person was in the very next stall and you heard fart or they heard you. what did it sounded like
9. Have there ever been a salutation where you fart in the restroom you did was so stink you had to spray
10. Has there been a situation where someone laughed after hearing farting in the stall?
11. Has there been a situation where you walked in or was in there when someone else walked in and as soon as they hit the stall, a super loud fart occurred.
12.Has there ever been a situation where farted or heard someone else while washing their hands
13. Has there ever been a situation where you were wiping your butt or heard some else wiping theirs and farted during the process
14. Has there ever been a situation where you had a sudden and unexpected fart
15.Have you ever had an explosive fart that left a scum in the toilet or did not flush all the way down with just 1 flush
My Boyfriend: the squat shitter!
My boyfriend and I have been together since we started college last September. We both live in separate rooms on one of the four floors of our dorm which are designated as unisex. Therefore both genders and about 500 of us use the same bathrooms and showers. The point is that we have seen each other use the bathroom before and it's no big deal. Or so I thought. On Independence Day we made the three hour drive to the beach. We started at 5 a.m. so we could have a full day of rest and relaxation in the summer sun. I'm a morning shitter so I asked Danny to stop at a highway rest area at about 6 so that I could take my crap. I went in, seated myself, and luckily took my crap in relative privacy because while none of the stalls had doors, no one else was using them. I wiped, flushed and it was no big deal. When I got back to the car, Danny said I was fast and that he admires how efficient I am. I just thanked him and we let our conversation go elsewhere. When we finally got the the beach and walked a mile to stake out our spot, Danny said the time was to use the bathroom. He invited me in to change while he used the facilities. What this beach has is an outbuilding with no door on its entrance about every three blocks. You go in, turn to the left and there's a room the size of a closet that on one side contains a toilet and on the other side has a wooden bench, beneath which there's drain to catch the water from the shower above. Since I had already consumed three sodas in addition to the coffee I had before leaving my dorm room, I was bursting. I dropped my thong and jeans and seated myself on the toilet while I leaned forward to get my swimsuit from my bag. After about three minutes of steady peeing, Danny asked if I was ever going to let up. He wasn't critical, but I knew he needed to crap so I told him I was almost done. When I moved off the toilet and motioned Danny to the throne, I teased him that I had even left the seat down for him and wasn't that nice of me. He suprised me, however, by saying that he never sits on a public seat and hasn't since middle school because most of the boys just pissed right onto the seat. Rather, Danny took his stance above the toilet, put his hands on his knees and squatted over the toilet at about 45-degrees, just like if he were seated in a chair. As the first of about six or seven logs started to drop, I noticed that he get a partial erection as he stood so statue-like. All of his logs dropped within about 45 seconds and he reached for the toilet paper and wiped with one swipe. I couldn't believe he was clean after one wipe and he said the squatting is the reason for that. His dad taught him to do it after the middle school problems. I guess I can't argue with that success but I know it's not for me. I'm a sitter shitter and not about the change, but Danny did open my eyes to something that works for him.
Postman
Replies and story
Mrs. Toilet Trooper - always happy to see your comments and stories. Keep up the good work.
Karen - Hi to you as well! Keep up the good posts.
Dora - Welcome. Here's my answers to your survey -
Do you read or smoke while pooping? - I don't smoke, but I have been known to catch up on the morning news while pushing out my morning load.
Do you talk on the phone while pooping? - No, but I do text.
Do you sing on the toilet? - No.
Do you wash your bottom right after pooping? - Not right after, but it is the last thing I do before I stand up and pull up my pants.
Do you use moistened toilet tissue or wet wipes after pooping? - Rarely.
How many times do you typically wipe your bottom after pooping? - Usually 3 or 4, occasionally 7 or 8, or more, if it's really messy.
Do you wipe your bottom from front to back or vice versa? - Front to back.
Do you sit or stand to wipe? - Sit.
Are your poops very stinky? - I don't think so, but people entering the bathroom after me may have a different opinion!
Now for a short story. My morning dumps have been pretty routine lately, even a little bit boring. I've been bouncing back and forth between being a little constipated to having somewhat loose stools, which I think may have something to do with the extremely hot weather. But this morning, I went to the bathroom and pushed out a long, fairly think, well formed turd that curled nicely around the bowl. Kind of shaped liked the number 6. Very pleased with it and felt really good afterwords. Obviously a byproduct of the salads and fruit I've been loading up on during this heat wave.
Keep up the good posts everybody, and be careful in this heat!Catelynn
Boob job poopies
When I was in 6th grade, my mom got a boob job. Apparently one of the side effects is constipation. Every day she told us that the next day she would poop but she never did. One day at the dinner table she lets out a little fart. My brother says "do you need to poop?" and she says yes. We all surround the bathroom door and listen to her try to poop and eventually give up. "I will poop tomorrow!" she declares. The next day after work, she came back with exciting news. "I pooped today!" she announced. "in the office I let out a little fart then felt the urge to poop. So I sat on the toilet and had a big loud fart and dropped a cute little poop. I felt a big poop comIng so I kePt pushing. All that came were 2 more little pebbles." the next day we went to Pittsburg. She ate a blue cheese burger. On the elevator, she farted and stunk up the whole elevator. We were at the store and she said "I have to go to the bathroom". My dad asked the cashier where the bathroom was. "I have to poop" my mom whispered. "poop here" said my dad. "this is big though" she said. Back in the hotel she finished up then showed us her masterpiece. A giant monster turd with a couple medium sized poops and some liquidy stuff on top. The entire hotel room stunk that week.
PN
Really tired of this diarrhea now
Argh! This is getting annoying. A few days ago I posted saying I only had mild diarrhea, but then it got worse and it isn't going away no matter how much Pepto Bismol I take. It's still not the worst I have ever had by a long shot, because I can still have pretty long intervals without having to go, but it's getting really annoying, and my anus is raw from some combination of all the wiping and the corrosive sludge I keep passing. I don't know if this actually has anything to do with Mexico or if it''s something else--- if it was a bug it seems like it ought to be out of my system by now. I started trying to eat yogurt to see if that will help.
Trevor
For Lauren
Hey Lauren. I would be interested to hear your story about peeing in the car during fourth of July holiday. I really enjoy your posts as all as the post by Car Mom...keep 'em coming.
TrevorMrs. Toilet Trooper
Hi. It's Mrs. Toilet Trooper Ebony here with some replies and survey answers. To Dora, thank you for the compliment, family. I appreciate it. Congratulations on finally posting on The Toilet after all those years of lurking too. I bet that takes guts, no pun intended.
Dora's survey:
Do you read or smoke while pooping?
-Sometimes, I do read and smoke during a number two. I just enjoy sitting quietly in the latrine at home with the fan on "low" and just read my favourite stories from ToiletStool on my Nook in the peace and quiet. I occasionally puff some ganja on the toilet too, but that makes the latrine smell even worse. Ganja and shit is a terrible mixture.
Do you talk on the phone while pooping?
-Whenever I am on the phone and I have to shit, yes, I take the phone in the latrine with me. The thrill exists when the person I talk to on the phone hears what I am doing.
Do you sing on the toilet?
-No.
Do you wash your bottom right after pooping?
-I only wash my bottom after a number two after having a nasty one, where my booty still clearly smells shitty even after wiping thoroughly.
Do you use moistened toilet tissue or wet wipes after pooping?
-I prefer using wet wipes first, and then I use dry wipes later to dry myself and ensure that my booty stays clean.
How many times do you typically wipe your bottom after pooping?
-To guess, I would say that it takes, on average, six wipes to get completely clean.
Do you wipe your bottom from front to back or vice versa?
-Neither. I don't really wipe in any direction. It's hard to explain.
Do you sit or stand to wipe?
-I stay seated to wipe.
Are your poops very stinky?
-Yes. They make rotting corpses jealous.
This was a fun survey, Dora. Keep the posts and surveys coming. I love taking them.
Thanks,
EbonyObservant Guy
Better description of my next door neighbor
After all this time I have been describing my neighbor to all of you, I realize now that she kinda looks like Selma Hayek.
I only thought of this after I saw a tv show last week about the top 40 best celebrity pranks. Among the list was a prank from MTV's Punk'd set up by Penelope Cruz on Selma. AND as a matter of fact this prank is very appropriate for this website!
Penelope and Selma went out to lunch in a nice LA restaurant. Penelope excuses herself from the table and goes to the ladies room. When she returns she tells Selma about a very large turd in one of the ladies toilets. Selma goes to look and help Penelope unclog the toilet. When she enters, and tries to flush the huge turd, the water runs over onto the floor...
Some lady sees (a punk'd actress) Penelope and Selma running out of the ladies room, and then enters and finds the overflowing toilet and large turd. She immediately goes to the restaurant manager and points out Selma as the woman who caused the toilet to back up. The manager approaches Selma and accuses her of being to woman who produced such a large bowel movement. The manager does not do this in a subtle way. His voice is loud enough to cause other people in the restaurant to turn their heads.
Just as Selma is about to lose it, after being accused of taking a toilet clogging shit in the restaurant's women's bathroom, Ashton Kutcher comes out and offers to clean up Selma's poop.
Just as the joke was unfolding, it clicked in my head. My neighbor looks alot like Selma but sounds like Michelle Rodriguez.
I thought of it again when I saw her coming home a couple mornings ago with a small paper bag, (obviously breakfast)a newspaper, and a large coffee. It got me thinking about what she might end up doing... Maybe reading the paper in the bathroom on the toilet after having that coffee and muffin...hmmm...
Jared
Shane's Constipation Survey
Gender: male
Age: 17
1. What is the longest you've been constipated and what did you do to relieve it? A week and i pushed hard for about an hour and it came out.
2. When was the last time you were constipated? I'm always constipated. my shit is always hard, big, and knobbly and very hard to push out. i am constipated right now.
3. Have you cried while trying to poop while constipated? No
4. Have you ever helped someone else out while they were constipated? Yes, my friends and my girlfriend
5. Has anyone ever had to help you get your poop out? Yes, my friends and my girlfriend. we buddy dump alot.
6. Have you ever gone to a doctor for constipation? If so what did he/she do? No
7. What kind of noises do you make while trying to poop while you're constipated? I grunt really loudly and i strain. also, my anus crackles. but i mostly grunt very loudly, even in public.
8. What is the longest it's ever taken you to poop while constipated? 2 hours at home and about 30 minutes in public. i like to be constipated in public.
9. Have you poop ever gotten stuck half way out your butt? Yes
10. Do you like to have anyone coach you while you're trying to poop? Sometimes
Monday, July 09, 2012
Anne
Dora's survey
Do you read or smoke while pooping?
Neither. I'm usually not on the toilet long enough to read, and I don't smoke. I'm lucky to have poos that take on average less than a minute!
Do you talk on the phone while pooping?
I do occasionally sit and poo while already on the phone. I freely admit what I'm doing when talking to certain friends.
Do you sing on the toilet?
Yes! :)
Do you wash your bottom right after pooping?
If I poo right before I'm taking a shower anyway, then yes, but otherwoise, no. I don't think it's a bad idea though.
Do you use moistened toilet tissue or wet wipes after pooping?
Does toilet paper slightly moist from blotting pee off my front and thighs count? I usually wipe my back with the same paper I use for my front.
How many times do you typically wipe your bottom after pooping?
Once. I'm not fussy. I give it one wipe and get on my way. Perfect? No, but it's good enough for me and saves lots of time.
Do you wipe your bottom from front to back or vice versa?
front to back. that way the poop goes through my upper crack where it can do no harm to my front.
Do you sit or stand to wipe?
Stand. I start below my buttcheeks and wipe up through my crack and exit at the top. The classic standing-up wipe!
Are your poops very stinky?
Oh my are they ever! So are my dirty panties, which tend to smell at least mildly of my poop, even if I don't get a skidmark. go figure!
Lauren
Hi again. Hope everyone had a nice holiday. I took my girls to watch fireworks and we all peed in the car at one point. I have a question for everyone: with the long waits and hot weather leading to lots of water drinking, does anyone have any good fourth of July per stories? Where do your kids pee? Just wondering because I'm sure there are desperate people and not easy access to bathrooms. I also have a story to tell. It's something different. I have had a few pee accidents in my life but I have never had issues holding my poop. Until today. I was at the store and I was in a hurry because my mom was watching my kids and I wanted to get home to them. All of a sudden I felt and urge to poop. Badly. I walked all the way to the other side of the store, left my cart and walked into the bathroom. I sat in the toilet but couldn't go. I had totally lost my urge. So I left the bathroom only to find my cart missing. I had to go grab my groceries again. About half way through I felt the urge to poop again this time worse. I didn't want to trek through the store again only to lose my groceries and not be able to poop so I figure I would finish shopping and poop at home. I was bagging oranges and had to squeeze my cheeks together. My butt was itching and I knew I must be turtle heading it. I took a step to grab a twist tie and all of a sudden I started pooping my pants. I was so embarrassed. I had never had a public accident before. I can't controls my bladder when I poop so I was also peeing my pants leaving a huge puddle and boy did I smell. I stood in line to buy my groceries and pretended I didn't see people staring at my buldging butt. I walked to my car and loaded my groceries in. I winced as I sat in my seat, mushing the poop in my Pants. When I got home, my kids were understanding. However my mom was mad seeing as she never was understanding about accidents. She doesn't even know about my car peeing. I went to take a shower and it wasn't too bad of a clean up but I was still embarrassed.
Christine in FL
For Molly
Oh, gosh, I don't even know how many pounds. At least three, probably more than that.
I'm 5'5'', 165 pounds, and 38.
Mrs. Toilet Trooper
Hey. Y'all know who it is. It's Toilet Trooper Ebony with some replies, survey answers, and a recent experience that she had today. I hope no one is burnt up by the 100°+ weather that we have been experiencing recently. Nonetheless, to Ryan, Tom, and Naomi, I enjoyed your stories. They were really entertaining. To answer your question Tom, the ladies room at work, which is basically the only type of latrine because no males work where I work, usually smells the worst, at least in my experiences, after Thanksgiving, mainly because they crap out all that food that they ate on Thanksgiving Day.
Lorraine's survey:
1. How many times do you pee each day on average and on average, is the color light, medium, or dark yellow.
-I piss about 8 times per day.
2. Do you wipe your bum after each and every toilet pee
-I only wipe my booty after a number two. When I piss, I just wipe my womanhood.
3. Do you pass gas every-time you pee and is it usually soft, medium, or loud
-I rarely pass gas when I piss, but when I do, it's usually soft and airy like "ffffffffffffft."
4. Is your pee ever glittery or foamy or have a white like fluid in it
-No.
5. Is the smell light, medium, or strong on average.
-The smell is, on average, nonexistent.
6. Have you ever had a small piece of poop fall while only taking a pee in the toilet
-No.
7. When have to take a dump, DO YOU PEE FIRST AND FLUSH OR DO YOU PEE AND POOP AT THE SAME TIME AND IN THE SAME WATER.
-Actually, when I have to do a number two, I piss first, then shit, then flush the toilet when I am done.
8. Do you toilet at home have any pee scum or stains that have built up.
-No. I always keep my toilet clean.
9. Do You pee often In Public restrooms and do you do it when nowhere is there or do you go and pee regardless how packed it is.
-I piss in public latrines whenever I get the chance and piss regardless of how packed it is.
10. Does the toilet tissue does the job or is an odor still left.
-The toilet tissue does its job.
"also, DESCRIBE ANY TOILET PEE EXPERIENCE YOU HAVE. you can discuss the urgency, color, heaviness, sound, how packed the stall was, and any characteristics including wiping."
-I have not had an interesting toilet pissing experience, but today, I pissed in a public latrine at the mall, but not exactly in the toilet. Allow me to explain. On the ride to the mall, I had a lot of juice and water, so by the time we reached the mall, my bladder begged to be emptied. While I am a professional at holding it when I have to booboo, I suck at holding in my piss because my bladder is weaker than crackhead teeth. However, my sister wanted to begin her shopping day at the food court, so we both entered the food court on the bottom floor and, after waiting in a long ass line, ordered some fast food from McDonalds, more specifically a burger without cheese for me, a large fry, and large tea for me. As we ate, I excused myself to the latrine conveniently in the food court because my bladder was about to burst. Unfortunately, people overcrowded the latrine and I stood there fidgeting. "Wow! You must really gotta go don't go?" A girl said when she noticed me fidgeting. "Yes I do." I said. We both giggled. Nevertheless, the latrine was so crowded, the chances of me getting in one of those three stalls without a wet spot on my white shorts was slim to none. Thus, I noticed a fast food cup on the latrine floor. Without a care in the world, I just yanked down my shorts and panties to my thighs, placed the cup under my womanhood, and released a hard stream into the cup that was almost as clear as water. I stood facing the big latrine mirror above the sinks, so everyone outside the stalls got a good look at me. Other girls watched me, with many moving away and laughing at me, including the girl that just laughed with me, and some complained, saying, "Hey, you could have at least waited to use one of the toilets!" Some people even whipped out their phones and took pictures of me. I couldn't care less about their reactions. I just wanted my bladder emptied, and besides, I am on a mission to become more shameless about excretion anyways. That experience helped me further my goal. I gathered a brown paper towel from the dispenser and wiped off my womanhood before I placed the paper towel and nearly overflowed piss cup in the garbage in the latrine. "Now that's more like it." I said. The others laughed even harder and acted hysterical. As for me, I ducked out because I wasn't sure if what I did was illegal and if someone with their cell phones might have called the cops on me for what I did, so I just went to the table, grabbed Coco and told her, "It's time for us to shop at a different part of the mall baby girl, now!" She came with me, confused as ever. Thankfully, we shopped and everything was cool. I didn't get questioned by any cops today and we got a laugh out of it when I told this story to Coco as we shopped. I'm sorry Lorraine that this experience is not exactly a toilet experience, but it's a public piss experience and I think it's more interesting than just a plain toilet experience that I had.Zip
Visitor in my stall-Esteban
Hi Esteban! Always good to see you posting here! I had the exact same situation happen to me when I was using a doorless stall at the beach in Santa Barbara a very long time ago. There was a guy that walked to both stalls and saw they were both occupied. I looked up and smiled and he smiled back and said "I just need to grab a bit of paper". I said, "go ahead" and he came into my stall and unrolled a some paper from the roll. I leaned back as he did it so he actually was able to see the crap in the bowl between my legs. Of course, I had my briefs and shorts down at my ankles at the time. He blew his nose and then grabbed some more paper and thanked me as he left. It was a large handicapped stall so we weren't crowded.