I've been very busy at work lately. I was working into the evening again, as has been the case lately. I had an urge to poop and went to the ladies room. It seemed like a routine pooping session at first. I went into a stall, pulled down my black pants and white panties and sat. I pushed out three medium size logs. However, I suddenly felt a cramp in my guts as if someone had punched me in the stomach. Then I unleashed a wave of soft gooey poop that came out in huge globs and almost displaced the water. I flushed the toilet while seated.
My stomach was still very much unsettled. I sat for a couple of minutes, then pushed out a couple of large and very thick pieces of soft poop. I sat for another minute, then pushed out another massive wave of soft chunky poop that came out fast and furiously. I was done after that, and I flushed the toilet while seated before starting to wipe. It took several wipes to clean up this time. I flushed the toilet a final time and left behind a strong lingering smell of poop. I felt much better after that.
LOL. Great stories! Very close to all the things that happened to me in my childhood...'specially the part about having to stay in if it was close to being dark. I went home quite a few nights with wet pants because I wanted to keep playing.
Did you ever have any pee or poop accidents in school?
This is my first post. I found this site because I'm interested in this sort of stuff and because I'm trying to get some more insight into this. I'm a 17 year old female and I have a problem. Even though I find bathroom related things interesting I'm still extremely modest about my own activities. It's extremly difficult for me to urinate in public, never mind having a crap. I find it difficult going poop in my own home because I have 6 siblings (and only 2 bathrooms!) and I'm worried about people hearing me, or walking in on me, and my family's not ver open about this sort of thing. It's been like this for years. It's become a bad habit.
I tend to hold it in for a long time and become very constipated. The only time I feel safe taking a crap is late at night when everyone's asleep. Except then I'll often forget and sleep through the whole night and have to wait again. And then when I do I have a very hard time and it takes forever.
All I feel is nervous and sick all the time. I wish I could just do what I need to without worrying about what other people are thinking. How can I loosen up?
Hard Turd Guy: Yea, I've had some that hurt like a bitch when they came out. A few have even made me bleed! Tell me some of your hard turd stories.
Awhile back I had a painful shit. I really wished CARMALITA, KIM and SCOTT could have been there for comfort and support. I hadn't shit in a few days and while at home flipping through a Land's End catalog I got a pain in my ???? and rectal area and felt the need to shit. I ignored it, until all a sudden it was so painful I screamed out loud and collapsed on the couch. I ran upstairs for the toilet when the pain passed and as I was undressing I got another pain, this one was even worse. I screamed, grimaced and gripped the side of the sink as tears streamed down my cheeks. I hurt so bad I almost dialed 911. When the pain passed a minute later I sat down and pushed out an odd-shaped monster turd, but not the biggest or widest I've ever passed. When I wiped there was a very small amount of blood on the white tissue. I don't know why this caused such excruciating pain, but the next day I had diarrhea a twice.
POLL FOR THE LADIES: after pissing do you wipe standing or sitting? I wipe sitting and my now ex-boyfriend said most women sit to wipe as urine won't run down your leg.
Billy and Kevin L
Question, how do you know when your bung hole is clean when you wipe when you poop?
I can tell by the way the toilet paper feels on my butt. When my butt has poop on it, the paper feels slippery. When it is clean, it feels more like paper. When I wipe my butt, I get like 5 or 6 squares, and fold them to the size of one square. Then I wipe. I look, see how much poop is there, fold it in 1/2, wipe again and look again, fold it again and look. I can usually fold it like 2 times, then it is too small. Besides the way the paper feels, I can tell I am done when no more poop is on the paper.
Last night, we went out for Jeremy's 5th birthday. We went to a pizza place like 10 blocks away. Dad carries Josh and Jeremy on his back (so do my older brothers), so Josh and Jeremy can make the distance (Josh is almost 4). We came home for ice cream and cake after. On the way home, Josh said he needed to go to the bathroom. Dad said just hold on, we will be home in about 10 minutes. About 5 minutes later Josh said he couldn't wait any longer. He was on dad's shoulders. Dad said, if you have to go, you can go a little in your pants. Then there was a loud fart from Josh. Dad said did you go? Josh he did not think so. Dad said ok. When we got home, I needed to poop too. Kev went strait to the bathroom. Josh came too. Tom and me both needed a pee. Kev sat down. He told Josh use the little potty if you want. He said he would wait. He passed like 3 logs, peed for like a minute and wiped. Mom called Kev to help set the table, so he washed his hands and went. Then Josh went to s! it down. In Josh's underwear was a log about 4 in long. It was nobby and solid. I told Josh to take off his underwear. He took off his pants and then his underwear. He sat on the toilet and pooped. I dropped the log from his undies into the toilet behind him. He pooped out more than Kev. When he was done, he wiped his butt. He had to wipe about 8 times. Then he got frustrated becuase his butt was still poopy and said help me. I really needed to pee, so I sat down on the toilet and started to pee while I wiped him. I think he left a log partway out when he started to wipe. There was still a lot of poop. It took me about 5 wipes to finish him. I got up, help Josh get into his pants while Tom peed. THen we washed our hands and had cake.
This morning, Kev and me were playing chess over the internet. We have 3 computers hooked up to the internet. We were both playing and watching each other's game too. While he was playing, he said last one, he had to go poop. He was playing 1 minute games. About 3/4 way through the games, I heard a loud fart and then some crackling sounds. I glanced at him. He was sitting on his legs with his butt raised off his legs. He finished his game and went to the bathroom. I had to poop too, so I went as soon as I was done. Kev was on the toilet. He pooped out like 4 logs, pretty big for him, one was 8in by about 1 in, the others were about 4 or 5 in. I looked in his underwear, and it was clean. I said, you almost pooped your pants. He said, yeah. There was a turd about 1/2 out when I sat down. He had to wipe about 8 times to get his butt clean. When he was done i sat down. I had a big poop too. I pooped one log that was about 10 in, and about 5 more that were about 5 or 6 in. Whi! le I was pooping away, I was farting too. Then I pooped out a bunch of little turds, about 1/2 in. While I was pooping, Kev said can you check my butt. I think I missed some poop? He got in front of me, and bent down. He spread his cheeks so i could see his butt hole. He butt had 2 places where he missed, on each cheek. WHile I wiped him, Josh came in. He said,hurry up, I have to go. I was pooping out the little turds and said I would be done pooping in about 2 mintues. He said ok. Then Mike came in for his morning poop. Kev said, Josh said I am next. Mike said ok. THen he left. He said he is going to use the guest bathroom. I finished and wiped. Josh sat down and said, wow, you two pooped a lot. I said, yeah. Then he pooped out two logs and wiped himself. I asked him if he wanted me to check him, he said ok. I looked at his butt. It was a little funny, because there was a brown tinge to the skin around his butt hole (kev was the same way). I guess my butt hole is the same wa! y, even though I cleaned it pretty good. I guess the only way to get rid of that is to use moist wipes or to take bath ro shower. Anyway, mom was cleaning the playroom with the computers, so we went into the living room to wathc cartoons until she was finished. Mike left the door to the bathroom open. The room was really smelly. I said, turn on the fan. He said it was broken. About two minutes later, he said could you go get the plunger. I said, you get it. He said ok. When he went to mom's bathroom to get the plunger, I looked in the toilet. It was nasty. There was a lot of diarrhea and toilet paper. We went back to watching cartoons. Mike came back with a plunger and cleared the blockage. He flushed the toilet again and it worked fine.
This was my most embarassing moment in school. I was 10 years old, in 4th grade. I was at recess with 4 of my friends. I was starting to feel like I had to poop, and was about to excuse myself to head for the boy's room. Then, my best friend, Billy, let a really loud stinky fart. We all laughed. Then Doug let one almost as loud. We all laughed again. Bobby was next, his wasn't as loud as the others, but was respectable. I hadn't done anything, and Billy, said come on, it's your turn. I said I cant, then he dared me. I still said no, and he double dared me. Back then a double dare wasn't something you refused very often because you'd be known as a chicken from then on. So, I pushed and was rewarded with a barely audible squeak, that smelled really awful.Bobby looked at me and said, Wow , that stinks, but my baby sister farts louder than that, come on man, you can do better, or we'll call you a girly farter. I gathered myself and gave a much harder push. I didn't fart, but poop ! rushed out filling my pants. There seemed to be an infinite amount buldging my pants and spreading everywhere as I stood there with I guess a surprised look on my face. The other four saw immediately that I'd pooped in my pants, and laughed at me, and called me mr pooppants. I walked slowly to the nurse's office, feeling my mess sliding against my bottom with every step. When I got there and told nurse jones that i'd had an accident in my pants, she investigated the damage, and said she was going to call my mom to come and get me. We lived 3 or 4 blocks from Jackson elementry school, and my mom didn't drive, so I had to stand there with my pants totally full of poop for 20 or so minutes until she got there. Then I i had to walk home in that condition. By the time we got there, my underpants were sagging from the wieght of the poop in them.Upon arrival, mom took me into the bathroom, where she helped clean me and drew a bath for me. She rinsed my underwear in the toilet and too! k them and my jeans to the laundry room for washing. I didn't go backto school until the next day. I was known as poopy or Mr pooppants for quite a while afterwards. I learned 2 things from the incident. First, don't wait when you have to go, and secondly, DO NOT ENGAGE IN A FARTING CONTEST, even if someone doubledares you. Especially when you have to poop. It's muvh better to be known as a chicken than as My pooppants.
hey has anyone seen the tv comercial where a lady in a business suit is rushing to go to the bathroom because she has to go very bad and then gets in there and waits in the stall until everyone has left and then starts to go. next it shows a bunch od women in business suits comming in at the same time in two lines to use the bathroom. The girl who was going stops peeing as soon as they enter and the others go at the same time and it sounds very beautiful like a water fall and it even shows pictures of one on the screen. then they all finish at the same time and exit the same way they came in and wash their hands. as soon as they leave the other lady who was wating goes. it ia an american comercial athough i can't remember what for. it's great. i don't understand today's picture in teh mast head ... is the girl geting redy to use the bathroom or what? had a great poo this morning! the turd must have been atleast a foot long and it was soft and knobby. well more later.
To PV: Steve and others have suggested that I contact you about my serious case of being pee shy. If you have read any of my posts, you know that I can't pee in any public bathroom when anyone is in there--this means also school bathrooms which are always occupied. By the time I get home after holding 8 or 9 hours I am in agony. How did you get started overcoming this problem. I have had it since I was 10. I am now 16. I need your advice.
Ben in Iowa
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Shool has been tuff.
My family was at Wal-Mart shopping when I got a sudden really bad urge for the bathroom. So I snuck off to find the bathrooms. I had to stop a few times in some empty iesle to hold back my poop. I was on the verge of having an accident. I quickly got there only to find both stalls taken. I waited hoping they would hurry because I could feel it coming out. When finallt this kid finished I rushed in and locked the door. I barely got my pants down when the turd started making its way out.Then while I was about halfway threw the other guy wiped and left. Then another guy rushed in and locked his door. I know he was covering the seat because I could hear the toilet paper. So when I finished I wiped sitting down so I could stay and listen. Unfortunatly I had to leave because a dad brought his kid in to use the bathroom and asked if one of us was done. I didn't want the kid to have an accident so I flushed and left.
To Steve: Sorry to hear about your accident.
To the unknown poster: Was your accident intentional or really an accident. If it was an accident what happened.
Sorry to go off topic but i'm a huge race fan and I sorry to hear about Blaise Alexander passing.
Good morning to all. Our good weather here is comming to an end. There was a lot of good stories the other day. It seemed that there was a lot of early experience stories about peeing. Keep them comming. For hard turd guy; I had one that I remember that was hard and real fat that when it hit its widest point that it stuck and hung there.I had a real hard time pushing that one out past that point. It really hurt but I did after a long time manage to push it past that point.
I saw two girls one day when I was down at a friends house I was visiting in the city. They got into a pissing contest. It was at night and I was siting in the backyard under a pine tree. I was waiting for my friend to come out, he was on the phone with his girlfriend. There was a house across the alley wich had an open back porch which was lighted.
There was to girls out on the porch wich they were talking. I would say they were 11 or 12 yrs in age. The way were talking and acting they seemed to be sisters. They had been out there for quite some time. They both went inside for 10 minutes or so and came back out in thier nightgowns. They went back to talking again.
I was not paying to much attention to thier conversation untill I heard one girl say she had to piss before they had to go in. The other girl said the same thing. This caught my attention. Next thing the two girls were squating down on the edge of the porch with thier nightgowns pulled up and holding onto the railing for support. With the light behind them, both of them were visible.
Both of them started pissing at the same time. I could see both streams arching outward and downward in the light below. The splashing on the ground from the streams was quite loud. Both girls were giggling while pissing and one said she was feeling better as she was still pissing. Both continued for 30 seconds or so. Then the one girl dribbled to a stop and said looks like I lost. The other girl pissed several seconds more then stoped. Both stood up droped thier nightgowns and went inside for the night. My friend came out about 15 minutes later and we ourselves went out for the night.
There used to be a lot of talk around here about being walked in on by the cleaning lady. Any more of those stories?
steve - We were 10. Cool story how many times were you caught?
Some cool stuff on the forum lately!
TO SUZANNE-Nice poop in the public toilet-sounds like to felt great!bet you felt nice and clean for the rest of the day!Nice one,honey
Well,I had 2 woods dumps this week,one was pretty uneventful and the other was sort of interesting.First I'll go with the one i did yesteday a.m.After I got off the forum,i got on my bike and headed out to the woods and by the time i got there,i really had to poop pretty bad,so i found a spot and just got underssed and decided to just poop standing and I spread my buttocks and let out 2 hissing farts and 2 soft turds flew out my butt as i stood and leaned over slightly-it was over in about 5 seconds-i really had to go bad!Then i walked around for a bit waiting for part 2 of my BM,but after 10 mins nothing happened so i wiped and got dressed and headed out to the beach and it was sooo nice out there yesterday,but i was done pooing for the day
2 days before that I got up and posted on the forum and headed out to the woods to poo,but didn't feel anything yet and i took my time as i looked in the woods for a spot and found a nice clearing with a nice big log to sit on.I got undressed and had the newspaper with me to read.I figured i would just sat down and read the paper as i wait to poop.So I'm sitting there reading my paper and this jogger comes runing down the path right off of where i was and he looked at me and said"Good morning"and he headed right towards me! I don't think he saw why i was there cause as he is com,ng over he says"Excuse me please tll me you have some water i could drink " and when he saw what i was doing he sadi"Oh sorry,i didn't know you were doing your thing" I said " Oh it' Ok- My pack is over there and I have some water in ther you can help your self" I felt a bit embarassed at first but this guy who was about 35 or so and in a jogging outfit just came over to my pack which was about! 2 feet away from me and found the water and said" Oh thanks I really needed this water-I went to got mine and it leaked all over the place"And he tookm a few sips and I'm sitting there now feeling the urge start to build up and theis guys starts to blab away about all kinds of stuff and I just sat there listening to him.Then as he is talking I let out 2 farts that I couldn't hold back and he said" Oh don't worry,i dump out here all the timw so i know what it's about-i enjoy it sometimes,don't you?"I said "I do it out here too"Now I'm sitting on the log and he is to my right side talking to me and just standing there as we talked and as i'm letting out a lot of pre-poop farts,he is looking over at me every now and then,but it seemed cool,but then i let out another hissing fart and the turds started to come out and I decided to just let it go,but i didn't push and this guy sees the poop starting to come out and says"Listen, I hope i'm not intruding on you ,but i run into peopl! e as i'm going and i just talk to them as i go,but if you want me to leave,i will and thanks for the water" I decided the this guys semms OK and said"It's Ok and told him about some of my adventurs with that girl"Donna" that I run into and he really semmed amused and laughed> As i'm talking to him< I pooing up a storm-Did 2 long turds followed by a lot of soft stuff and every time i would poo,this guy would look right at my butt,and continued talking,but it didn't get strange or any thing-it was kinda cool.the only time he said anything about it was when I started to wipe and he looked at the plie and said"Boy,you really had to go huh,Good one" and laughed a bit.Then he said"Listen thanks a bunch for the water,Hey maybe i'll see you again and we can share some toilet paper cause i do this a lot out here myself" and as he said so long and startd to walk away he took another look at my poo pile and then broke into a jog and left.I got dressed and got on my bike and starte! d back-i noticed this summer that i'm a lot less inhibited with other people around when i poop and in a way I kinda enjoyed the moment with this guy.Maybe I'll run into him when he has to go and we;ll buddy dump-That would be kinda fun to do-he seemmed like a regular guy,but boy could he TALK,but I gusee that what make me feel a bit more at ease with him-Oh and 1 more thing that will make you all laugh-As i'm walking back I JUST missed stepping in a pile of poop not far from where i dumped-It was like a pile of cow poop and I missed it by about 2 inches! I laughed to myself a bit and thank god i missed it-it looked like a fresh pile-I wonder if a pretty woman did it-there was TP to the side but i still couldn't tell if it was male or female-It's been a great summer of pooing for me-hope i can get in a few more days!Good stuff,all!
Lisa PLEASE tell more of your poop storys
Jamie aka Sun Devil
It is so nice to see so many wonderful people who share this wonderful experience of pooping. To see so many females who share their beautiful pooping stories is unbelievable. I enjoy reading how females of all ages can have such thick and very long turds.
CARMELITA- I really appreciate your sweet and wonderful words, they really mean a lot. I love your most recent story about you sitting on Jakes lap while he crapped and then when you kissed him just as he was dropping his turds, WOW! what a hot story sweetie, I can see why some other fabulous events took place afterwards. How long have your productions been lately? Mine have been larger and thicker than usual. To let you know, you will be happy to know that I have met a sweetheart of a girl, I love her dearly. She has never pooped or peed in front of anyone and she is going to do it for me, I am very excited!! I hope everything goes well for you on your wedding day and night! I am very happy for you,
KIM and SCOTT- Its great to see that you are still producing such horse sized turds! Keep those wonderful stories coming.
Peace to everyone,
Jamie aka Sun Devil
How embarrasing is this ??? I was in Burger King waiting to use the pay-phone. The mens restroom is right there. Well, there is one stall in there, and there is a large gap between the door and the partition. While i was on the telephone, and the outer door swug open, I could clearly see a young man, about 30ish, sitting on the bowl. His privates were pointing straight out, and they were very hairy. He was wiping and looking at the soiled tissue. He probably never dreamed that he was so visable from outside the retroom, since the stall door was closed, but with position, it was so clear ,i imagine you could see his shit slide out, if you were there at the right time. It was interesting...
Hard Turd Guy, I have just done one of those big fat hard turds this morning about 15 minutes ago, and yes it DID hurt a bit as it came out and my ring is still throbbing!
I had been constipated for a couple of days so knew I would be in for a difficult motion when I did go. I took a glass of olive oil before bed last night to lubricate matters. Now when I woke up this morning I was farting quite a lot a sure sign that I was needing a motion. As I lay in bed with Keith he rubbed my ???? to help it on its way. Soon I felt the big lump move down on my back passage "crowning" as they say now or "getting the turtles head" and we both went to our ensuite toilet, Keith gently pulling my pale blue panties down for me as I sat on the pan. I did a long powerful hissing wee wee, I always pee loudly the first one I do when I get up. The wee wee tinkled to an end and I farted a loud squeaky fart loaded with the smell of a solid stool. The big jobbie started to move and my ring stretched, as Keith gently pushed my ????. "OW!" I felt a stab of pain as my sphincter dilated to accomodate the fat knobbly lump. Keith asked me "Is it hurting Carol, is it too! big to come out?" I gasped, "Its a fat one alright but it will come out eventually" I let it slip back up my back passage. Keith got some K-Y jelly which we keep for such an eventuality and as I sat up off the pan he gently and carefully inserted some into my back passage. "I can feel it up there, it is a hard fat lump" I sat on the pan for a few minutes more then I felt things move again. This time there was another slight stab of pain and I went "OW!" again. Keith gently pushed my ???? and said, "Go on Carol love, do a nice big one for Keith!" Slowly it emerged and I could feel the knobbly texture, all the compacted boluses of hard fecal matter which had coalesced into this big fat hard jobbie. "NN! UH! OO!" I tried hard as it gradually emerged, then I felt it taper, speed up and plunge into the pan with a resounding "KUR-SPOOL-LOOMP!" throwing up a splash which wet my fat bum. This hard jobbie out of my rectum, a nice easy smooth poo slid out, a long fat sauasage which we! nt "FLOOMP!" followed by another shorter one "SPLOOSH!". I did a second short wee wee then having got my breath back got up off the pan. The strong fecal smell filled the air, the distinctive smell of a solid healthy motion. In the pan there were the two smooth easy curved jobbies, the longest 12 inches long the smaller about 8 inches and 2 inches thick. These were a toffee brown colour. The big hard jobbie lay next to them. It was nearly 3 inches fat at the start and shaped like a fat carrot and a darker brown. It was only 8 inches long and after the first 5 inches of so tapered to a cone shape with a rounded end. It was all compacted like a load of balls of poo moulded into a single big jobbie. Keith said, "That's a clever girl" as he wiped my bum for me and pulled up my panties.
Some mentioned sitting directly on the pan with the seat up. I have done this on some toilets as the opening on the seat is a bit narrow and compresses my buttocks together, as I have a big fat bum. This can make it more difficult to pass a big jobbie. Our toilets at home all have side enough holes in the seat, but I have to lift the seat on the pans in the Ladies Toilet at work if I am doing a motion as these are a bit narrow. It doesnt matter if I am only doing a wee wee of course.
Hello there, princess, I didn't mean to make you blush. Also, thanks for the compliments! Somewhere, there is be a 'prince' who is looking for you. Unfortunately there are plenty of frogs out there who don't become princes just because you kiss them. Just don't settle for
a frog, will you?
Your latest post was very interesting. Louise has sometimes made disgusted comments about the condition of ladies' toilets in nightclubs etc. Apparently, toilet bowl blockage with paper and sanitary towels etc is quite a common event, as well as some girl depositing brown torpedos in there that are simply too large to flush away. She never sits while using these facilities. Instead, she likes either to hover in a bent at the waist and knees stance, or stand in the manner she has so often described. Urine on the toilet seats is apparently even more commonplace than the blockages.
Louise may well wish to comment on your post, so as is the custom between us, I will inform her about it.
Be well, and have a hug from me.
Hello there, darling. I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out between you and the guy you met. Oh well, if it wasn't to be, it wasn't to be. Just remember there is a guy somewhere out there who is the one for you - you just haven't met him yet.
Well, I'm not sure it was _too_ surprising that I should have noticed the women touching the hems of their dresses. I have been lucky enough to see such things on numerous occasions before, and Louise always says I have radar or some sixth sense for detecting women who need to urinate. I'm not sure I can deny that, actually, I do seem to have had a great deal of good fortune in being in the right place at the right time <snicker>. Yep, about my advice, I'm confident that you could arrange to need a wee outside when you are with another man. The best thing about it is that it is the most natural thing, and it is not a blatant set up as it would be if you simply asked, "I need a wee. Will you come into the bathroom with me and watch?" The best of luck to you if you get such an opportunity. And thank you for saying I will do! It has just made my day!
I must say how I was entertained by your experience of accidentally finding yourself in the gents! Poor Julie, you must have been so full and bursting that you didn't actually check what was on the door! I'll tell you something, it would certainly make my job as your toilet guard much easier if you used the gents all the time. On that occasion, as you didn't tell me that you were going into the gents and so I wasn't present to guard you, I'm sure you did exactly the right thing by stopping weeing. I guess that you also might have been a little concerned that your feet could have been visible under the door. It seems as if you did get away with it, but I'm sure the sudden realisation of your surroundings startled you a little.
By the way, I like the pale pink lace knickers - they are very you!
Of course, if I were in the gents with you, I would probably need to wee as well. I'd allow you to look, and in fact with Louise's permission (she's the boss), any help you could give me would
be greatly appreciated of course!
As your toilet guard, I would love to grant your request, whatever it is.
To Carmalita, Renee and Patsy,
A warm hello to you all. Renee, I hope all is well with your pregnancy - I expect you will not have much of your term to go now! Best of luck, darling.
That was indeed a very good 'babe bonding' session with the three of you. In Patsy, Louise seems to have some competition for the title 'pee queen'. I'd be interested in knowing what her typical flow rate is, and what a privilege it would be if I ever had the chance to personally witness her urinating. Carmalita, I'm not about to ignore you. What a mental image you have left me with. Your standing arc is something that I'm sure must make Louise feel proud, her being your teacher and inspiration.
I'd better not forget about the dumping either! What a superb session.
Cheers to all three of you!
Oh, by the way, thanks to Renee and Patsy for your words of congratulation on our engagement. I suppose Louise and I may have come across as a married couple. There is already a strong bond between us, and getting married only serves to reinforce that bond. It will not change us as people in any way whatsoever other than openly making that commitment.
Once again, the best of luck and health to you!
To Lawn Dogs Kid,
Ah yes, I felt that Emily must have had some coaching in the standup wee. Some coaching from a young expert by the name Kendal!
I am unable to read your latest posting to me, but from what Louise says, you certainly know your Steptoe & Son. You remembered the surgical spirit scene very well, and I very much agree, every opportunity for some wonderfully crude and basic toilet humour was taken and exploited to the fullest. Oh yes yes yes, I remember the teapot scene very well. The sheer disgust and aversion on Harold's face after he has viewed the contents is a picture, a very lasting image in my mind!
It really was a marvellous series, and it goes to show how people have all but forgotten how to write comedy. I tend to find new so-called comedy series to be weak and mostly unfunny.
Talking about shows that are actually funny ... perhaps you are familiar with the hilarious comedy series Only Fools and Horses. Did you see the one where Rodney's wife Cassandra entrusted him with the important task of taking her urine sample to the doctor's? Well, Rodney didn't take it immediately, did he, but he left it on a table somewhere in the flat. Later, Uncle Albert makes a comment that "that apple juice was 'orrible!" The looks on the faces of Del and Rodney, and the slow head shaking was extremely funny, and you immediately realised that the sample was no longer in the bottle! A priceless moment.
Rest assured that when time is available, some more stories from Spain will be on their way.
I am more than a litte snowed under with other activities for the moment, so I make my apologies.
Bye for now,
Saturday, October 06, 2001
Pat: I use what is needed to clean. If I use 2 feet and bunch it up, that will serve me. But, I will use 2 or more bunches if need be. I will tell you more tomorrow. It is late.
hard turd guy
has any one ever let out these huge logs that hurt like hell when they come out? if so let me no
Carmalita- the story of Patsy peeing in the tub, that sounded awesome especially the detail of her little vagina and her tight tanned ass, so awesome the whole thing sounded.
I had an almighty crap at lunchtime today, took so long that i almost exceeded my lunch hour! all started when i ate the dunkin do nuts this morning, bran muffins, 2 of em and 2 strong cups of coffee even as i left the place i felt my bowels move and the tight wind retention that happens in ur ???? when u gotta shit well it was there also.
When i left the place i kept my eyes wide open for a toilet and low and behold the public toilets were free which is totally unusual so i got it sat for a moment or two with my ass clinched, the downward force was unsufferable so i quickly pulled my skirt up and dropped my white knickers and set my round ass on the bowl, firstly a series of deadly farts emerged with the echoey muffled sound and when i opened my legs the waft hit me right in the face, man did it stink!
Next i relaxed my muscles and a nice trickle of yellow pee started flowing from my trimmed cunny and made the ever long hissing sound as it began to gush, next i put the pressure on my asshole and the turd began to slide down my chute, i could hardly hold the moans in as the darky was coming out of my wide open asshole, i pushed as before and rested my elbows on the top of my thighs as the large turd slipped out and plopped into the shallow toilet water, a little pee came again and i let out a couple of small but stinky farts 1 more little turd fell and i sat back to regain my breath, i opened my legs once again to look at the heavy load of sausages which i had just left, man did it stink!
I then wiped up and exited the stall and another woman met me on the way in, the bloody look she gave me was unreal! as if she doesnt shit or stink the dunny out from time to time! does anyone else ever find that in that situation people often will look down on u because uve dropped a healthy batch? i find it often
anyway must be off as dinner is almost ready but goodbye my special friends luv u all
aboy- i liked your story about you and your friend how old were you then
This afternoon we played football on the school field after school that was about a ten-minute walk from home. There are no toilets there so you have to go before at home. I peed at lunchtime at school and I thought it was okay, but in the second half of the game I started to really have the urge to go poop. By the time the game ended I needed to go bad, but there were no bushes to go behind so I had to try to hold it in as I walked home which is about ten minutes. At first it was not too bad but I had to keep stopping to stop the poo coming out. When I was about half way home I couldn't wait any longer and the poo was starting to poke out. At first just a little came out so I started running which was not good, because a minute later I farted again and I felt a whole lot of poop come out and I could not stop it. It was too late and I was filling my briefs. I carried on walking, but I could feel a lot of poo in my briefs because I hadnít gone in 3 days. When I got home I w! ent straight to the toilet and took my pants down. There were three big hard brown logs in my briefs and I dropped these into the toilet and cleaned up. It was not too much of a mess and by the time I had cleaned them with baby wipes there were only some heavy skid marks so no one knew I had shit in my pants.
Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Firstly, for those who read my last post, my boyfriend hunt is again back on, as the last 'relationship' if you can call it that didn't work out. Anyway, that's off topic so enough said, but I thought i'd mention it seeing as some of you offered me advice about introducing guys to the toilet. So, I guess I'll save that till next time...
First a few hellos:
STEVE: I enjoyed that story of yours specially for me. So if I make another request upon my dearest toilet guard, will it be granted? How perceptive you are my dear about our girlie habits. I was surprised that you noticed those girls twitching with their hems when they were clearly wanting to wee. I remember I used to do that when I was young, and my mother was forever telling me to stop fiddling with my dress when I needed to go. I will bear in mind your advice about being desperate for a wee outside when I find myself another man! In the meantime my dear, I guess you'll do!
My reason for writing today, is to recount to you all about something really silly that I did yesterday in one of my more dippy moments. I went shopping in my local supermarket after work to get something for tea. However, at the time I was also quite desperate for a wee. Ok so I should have gone before leaving work... Fortunately the supermarket had some fairly decent toilets so I headed into the ladies and into the nearest stall as I was on the verge of wetting myself.
I locked the door and quickly pulled up my navy skirt and lowered my tights and knickers (pale pink lace for those interested) to my knees, and almost immediately started to wee. As I was going I heard somone else come in. Then to my horror I heard male voices and the sound of someone having a wee. At first I wondered what on earth they were doing in the ladies. It then dawned on me that I had in my stupidity obviously gone in the gents!!! For a moment I was totally panicked and froze, I even stopped weeing. Then I decided that the best thing to do was just wait for them to leave and make a swift exit.
Finally they finished and I was able to wipe myself, pull up my knickers and tights and straighten my skirt. I peeped round the cubicle door and seeing the coast clear, made my escape. Fortunately I don't think anyone saw me, but I did feel an idiot. Has anyone else done something silly like that?
To Mike: I enjoyed your story about those young Military dudes taking a dump. That would be cool to witness especially wearing sun glasses!!
Well this is my very last post for a while....im leaving late this afternoon to go away
kim and scott
hello all! TO JEFF A_hello there honey. havent heard from you in a while. scott and I hope that you are ok!
TO JAMIE-hello there. thanks for liking our stories! your a sweet guy.
TO JANE-hi there. thanks for liking my last post. and yes that was one super sausage that was a hell of a lot of fun squeezing out!scott and I like your stories too!
TO CARMALITA-hello there. thats nice that jake is 6 foot four and handsome.my scott is 6 foot one. he is tall,dark, handsome and muscular. I hope you have a spectacular wedding girl! you deserve it!be well.
TO RENEE-hello there. thanks for liking my posts. and calling me a center-fold you flatter me.how is the mother to be?I know the baby will be as beautiful as her mother! and yes I would love to come over one day and sit on the bowl and blast out an enormous,dark brown log for you.(in the nude of course!!)prepare for your eyes to bug out girl over the size of my log.(and maybe over me too!haha), be well.
TO PATSY-hello there.thanks for liking my posts. and yes I can press out enormous logs consistently. lucky me huh?and thanks for thinking of me like that other blond you know who is built like a brickhouse and shoots out huge logs. I appreciate it. Its so flattering!I tell you. ! you,renee and carmalita are very sweet. take care girls. I appreciate all the wonderful comments you give me!keep up the good posts all. love,kim and scott.
Mornin' friends-another real nice day here in the N.E,it's going to be about 80 today and i'm going to dump again out in the wild today,but first some responses-So many good stories!
TO JANE-Yes,You should try the reading of the posts as you are on the bowl-it's very inspiring as you poop along as you read-I really enjoy it-i read alot of your stories as i poop and it's like we're pooing together-let us know how you do!Oh yes,i'm glad you liked my poop at the gym and yup,it was a real good dump that also felt great too!
TO CARMELITA and the gang-Great morning poop with the ladies!I printed that one to read at a later date when I poop in my own toilet-that will be a good one to read as i poop along with you ladies-some serious pooin' girls!WOW
TO JACOB G- You know,i neever thought that the guy may be obese,cause I never saw him-he left as i was still sitting on the bowl still haveing to dump more,but that does make sense-thanks for the info!
Right now i don't have time ,but i took a nice dump out in the woods yesterday a.m.but i'll tell you all when i have a but more time and BTW i have to poop right now so i'm off to the woods again this mornin'to poop again as i try to take advantage of the waining days of warm weather! Gotta go BYE
yeah i work with kids and we ahd this kid who would wet his pants once a week or so. one day he wetthem twice in the same day and it was two hours appart. of ocurse then he wants to run around sitting in different chairs and using the playground equiptment. which is so goss i don't want to think about it.
RIZZO -- Hi guy -- yes, that's excellent advice re moving a trapped air mass, I'll have to remember that. Get down low and let nature rearrange things so the wind shifts. I did a LOT of farting the next day, and the day after. Yesterday, I went for a standing wee and found myself doing five sharp farts in a row, each of which was a series of bubbles, so they came out sounding like controlled bursts of machinegun fire (as I believe Malita remarked!) A MAC-10, I figured, from about a hundred yards away -- chuckle!
Re posture and discretion, yes, it's just so! It's what people expect as much as anything, and if you do something else, the connections and mental triggers don't fire off. I've stood in sunshine and pissed happily, and simply been far enough away from others for it to be invisible, and my posture did not give anything away. Well, I wonder what a squat might convey?!
LOUISE -- Nice beach stories, and yes, a great tension releiver at your wedding would be to imagine the entire thing taking place on the beach, in the nude. How terrifying can the experience be then? Not much! You've got the measure of that kinda thing! Say, I weed in the sink as I was brushing my teeth last night, it's ages since I've done that!
THE CARMALITA GANG (!) -- Malita, Renee, Patsy (an Jake!) it's always sooo great to hear from you, and WHAT A DUMPSCAPADE that was! That was an absolutely fabulous session -- "babe-bonding!" that's the word okay! I could see it in my mind's eye, the three of you unloading, having wonderful fun. When you washed the wall I felt very proud -- Malita is a stand-up gal okay! "Mexican massacre" -- I love it, Patsy, you have a real turn of phrase! I'm real fond of you gals, and I'm honored and touched that you think of me. Tell you what, I'll dedicate both tomorrow's poops to the Carmalita Gang, and wish you were here (or I was there!)
Sorry if I've missed anyone -- gotta head for bed, it's later in Aus!
PS: Butt-gaskets have shown up in Oz -- the holders are always empty...