Top 10 girls I would love to see on the potty.

10. Katie Couric
9. Brittany Spears
8. Cindy Crawford
7. Beyonce Knowles
6. J Lo
5. Amanda Bynes
4. Eva Mendes
3. Gina Gershon
2. Kristen Kruik
1. Constance Marie

sometimes i feel like to doing something really naughty and i poo in wierd positions making different trying to make a different shape all the time he he but its a bit messy so i rarely do it


I'm a 24 year old real estate investor who also makes supplemental cash selling songs that I've written to area bands. Most commonly I write parody songs and spoofs of existing popular songs (ala Weird Al without all of the silliness). I've done a few good ones with bathroom habits as the focus, including "Constipated," a spoof of Avril Lavigne's "Complicated". Also, I'm in the process of completing a parody of the Red Hot Chili Peppers tune "Scar Tissue" called "Bowel Movement." Let me know if you guys have any good ideas for such songs.



The following might be helpful to someone having problems with trying to pee standing. I found this useful stuff on old pages in the archive - 25 April 1998, page 61.

To Sara: Here is the "secret" technique that enables 75% of women to successfully pee standing without making a mess: Using either hand, place your index finger on one side and your middle finger on the other side of your labia and spread those "lips" apart. Lift to get the desired trajectory, and then go. If you don't spread and lift, it might run down your leg. Jeans should be pulled down in front about 3 to 4 inches, skirts are lifted. The easiest are loose shorts (because you can pee through the leg opening) and bikini bottoms (because you can just move the fabric at the crotch to one side). If you experience any spraying or lack of distance (one or two feet is normal) try the other method in which instead of one finger on each side, you use your entire hand for better control. If you are part of the 25% of women who have problems with THIS technique, let me know and I'll describe the OTHER technique which will probably resolve the problem.

Thanks for all the advice regarding my last post where I said I wish I could pee while standing! Well, I`ve tried this, but it just doesnt seem to work for me. O.K., I can pee while taking a shower, but thats all. I have now tried to pee into the toilet 3 times, & made the hell of a mess. What happens is as I start to pee, the pee sprays forward & to the right, then it changes direction, & just runs down my legs, & onto the floor, soaking my clothes in the process. Maybe us Irish girls will have to just accept that we will have to get used to sitting on or squatting over filthy toilets.

Ok Char... I tried your technique using one hand on each side. Using a finger on each side didn't seem to be effictive, as my labia are quite slippery. The effect of pulling up and out seemed to block the flow to a trickle, which ran straight down... would have run right into my pants, except I decided to try this "bottoms off." I experimented with position a bit, and was able to shoot a stream out in front as you described, but I think even with practice, I'd wind up with a puddle in my pants, as I always "trickle" at the start and stop of my flow. It seems that it is only possible to get that stream in front with a really strong stream. I'm curious about your other technique.

Char; I read your post with interest yesterday (Sat. 25th). I am currently trying your method of parting my lips as you described, but I find as I press in with my fingers it tends to slow the stream, much as Newbie describes. The only difference is that I find I now have some conrtoll over where my pee is going. You say there is another method, maybe if you would share that with me, I could try that also. Steph, I can see what your saying, although I haven`t mastered peeing while standing, I think it is more natural for a girl to sit & pee The only thing is, as you by now know, I will take all possible steps to avoid sitting on a dirty toilet. My heart goes out to Connie for not wanting to use portable toilets. I wouldn`t use them either, even if I only needed to pee. I can remember waiting at a que for one of these at a firework display, when I got in it I came straight back out, even though I really needed to go. In the end I found some bushes & squated behind! them.

To Newbie (regarding the second technique for women to pee standing) It's possible that your pubis (a bone which is part of the pelvis) is just slightly above your urethra. (the majority of women's pubises are not that close to their urethras, however each woman is different) When you separate your labia and pull up, it might cause your urethra to press up against this "bony" pubis and that could make your stream lose pressure. By gently pulling the inner labia "flaps" out forward slightly as you spread them, you can avoid having the urethra press up against your pubis. Your pee stream should then have full pressure.

Still doing a lot of lurking lately, and am about to leave to go on another summer vacation. Just for good measure, I may take a walk on Friday before I leave and deposit a load in the woods. Will post any and all details if and when it happens. Would love to read more outdoors episodes, particularly from the female gender.

Happy goings all!

the other day i was out playing with my friends and mom was shopping, or she said she was anyway. i needed to poop and it was getting strong so i saidby to my friends and started to walk home. halfway there i decided to just go in my pants since mom wasnt home. i walked over by these big bushes and started going, it all came out real quick, i felt my but and there was a big bulge there. i had on jean shorts. while i was pushing it out i accidently let a little pee go andi had a little wet spot. i started walking home again. i passed a couple people but they didnt notice. i got home and saw a strange car in front of the house, i knew mom was not home yet so i didnt think about it, i opened the door and went in and my grandma was standing there waiting for me. she came over and gave me a hug, then she stopped and was sniffing, she smelled my poop. she said did you have an accident, i said no of course and i tried toget away from her so i could run upstairs but she grabbed the! back of my shorts and pulled them back to look down them. she said it was ok and asked if i needed help changing, i said no and ran upstairs. i was so embarrased to have my grandma see me like that. i changed and cleaned up. i came down and my mom was home now, grandma didnt tell her. except i forgot about the little wet spot i made when i was pooping, since i had the same shorts on i didnt even think about it, mom saw it right off and said what is that. i looked down and said oh, i dont know. she said it looks like an accident to me. i told her that i may have let a little go before i got to the bathroom but it wasnt real wet. we had dinner and then we went to mini golfing. i really had to pee when we got to the 7th hole, but i guess i was having to much fun cause i didnt think to go to the bathroom until i sqirted in my jeans again, then i took off running and mom and grandma said where are you going and i just kept running. when i got to the bathrooms i had already gon! e in my pants it all came out when i was running. i went in and there was 2 kids in there. they were about 7 and 8. they saw my pants and said did you pee your pants and i said yes. they said they did to and i looked but didnt see anything. i said your not wet and they said they were wearing pulups. i wish i had one right then. i tried to dry up my pants but they were soaked right down the middle of my front. i decided to take off my jeans and get them all wet so they look ok. i was standing in front of the sink soaking my shorts when another kid walked in, he was grabbing his thing then he saw me and said what are you doing, i told him i had an accident so i am making my pants wet all over so nobody can tell. he came over and watched me, he started jumping then he just let go in his pants, it splashed all over the floor. he said can i do what you are to and i said yeah, he took off his pants and underwear, i said put your undies back on i just need your shorts. i soaked the! m then wrang them out he put them on, i put mine on and left. i came back to grandma and they were both looking at me. i said what i just had to go. they didnt know i had an accident, it was dark so they couldnt tell they were all wet. i got a hole in one on the last hole and grandma said good job, she rubbed my hair then smacked my but and she felt they were wet, she didnt say anything.
i love grandparents they just keeps secrets for you. we got home and i changed, no one knew. well gotta go, bye

To Michelle: Loved your story
To Amanda: Loved your story..did your friend become b/f & g/f after that?
To jenny: enjoyed your story
To anthea: enjoyed your story
To unnamed poster: that sounds like the dirtiest bathroom ever.
To Amelia: Loved your sound brave to be with the guys.
To Jessica: Liked your story
To Amelia: Loved your sound brave to be with the guys.
To wetguy: When i saw that kid grabbing his crotch on the boardwalk, i instantly thought of you! I loved your story too
To ToddMN: enjoyed your story about hearing that girl go to the bathroom.
To Linda C: Liked your story
To Chace: Liked your story...who won? you shouldn't have eatten should have figured out some other way to poop.
To IndyGuy: Loved your story about you and your friend
To Enjoyer of the female pee: Loved your story..thats cool..does she know about your intrests?
To Raging Urophile: Liked your story
To mike: I accidently walked into the womens room at this hotel i was staying at a while back...i was only 9 or 10 at the time. I think i had to poop and i waited for the coast to be clear before i exited, i didn't know i was in the womens room till i heard ladies talking.
To all: Ignore that last thing in my post, from the other says 7. and its not mine.
To Steve - Curious: enjoyed your story
I got a story now....Yesterday i was invited to a relitves house for dinner, it was a special occsion. I was hungry as i didn't eat much yesterday. Before dinner i was starting to feel a little gasy. Any way i ate dinner, salad, asparagus roast beef and desert. After desert i was still feeeling gassy so i went to go pee thinking i could fart and relive some pressure. Nothing..i came back out. 5 minutes later i went into the bathroom again cause now i had to poop. I sat and it was loose and chunky and i was farting alot and it was really loud. I was hoping no one heard me. i hate pooping at relitves houses. Thank god i only had to go once(would be so embarrsing to keep runing to the bathroom when family is around). On the way home i started feeling like i could go again..then it went away. Before i went to bed i decided to try pooping, only got out a chunk or 2...I also peed and right after i peed im like whats that smell, it smells like the sewer. I then rememembered i a! t Asparagus. I think i was still having that effect this morning. and im still feeling gassy. Last week i was constipated when i was away, now im a bit loose..
Oh i saw a movie last was called local boys about surfing and these dudes steel these other dudes boards and then at the end the cool dudes dressed up as lifeguards and busted them and took them to the mens room and handcuffed them to the urinals. Thats about it..gotta go bye

I forgot to post something yesterday....did any one hear that steve-o from Jackass got arested for peeing

Middle Aged Crapper
Just got back from vacation, so I missed around a whopping 6 pages worth of posts. I'll try brief responses to remarks on the last 3 of those:
Annette: great story about the broken off turd. It has to be really hard to stop a toilet trip that's incomplete.
Punk Rock Girl: liked your story about exploding poo. That doesn't happen to me unless I've been holding it in for too long for whatever reason.
Sheila of South Wales: sorry about your Indian friend Aisha's 15+ minutes trip to the toilet. If she had to "purge her poison," she was smart to take all the time needed.
Audrey: that's remarkable that you established a camaraderie with your supervisor based on a trip to the toilet. I've never thought of that as a social icebreaker.
Coyote: ladies may be vulnerable having to fully pull down their pants everytime they go to the toilet. Personally as a man I enjoy the time with my pants down. When I poo at the workplace, I note that my dress shirt, tie, and pen are in place; and my socks and shoes are in place, but my pants and undies are down to my ankles. Not my normal state of attire during the day, and thus unique.
Kellie: I didn't know biodegradable toilet paper was available for hikers. Every hiking guidebook I've read states that it's okay to crap in the woods (bears do it, hee hee) but that toilet paper is pollution and should be carried out to a trash container. That new invention would be a boon to hikers who hate carrying out messy toilet paper.
Stacy: I'm sorry about people laughing at you on your toilet trip. You may have cause for action against them.
Sandman: your question about poo methods leaves a great deal of latitude for possible comments. I guess it depends on one's circumstances. I have a busy schedule so I can't really drink in and really enjoy a dump most of the time. Thus, with extremely rare exceptions, I always dump in two loads. First the bigger one, followed by a smaller one to empty my bottom so I can get back to other things. At the end, however, the very last turd recedes back into my butt, saving itself for next time.
King of the Throne: in response to your survey about soiling underclothes, the last time I pooped my pants was as a 6-yr. old when I was nervous about the first day of 1st grade right after Kindergarten. I've accidentally peed my pants twice as a man. The first time was when I tried to hold for too long while watching a track meet. Rushing to the toilet afterwards, I peed into my underwear even before I fully got my pants down. The other time was after a catheterization to force me to pass urine. Even this couldn't force me on that nightmarish night, but the floodgates finally opened when I was driving myself to another hospital and I wet my entire pants. A catheterization is a ghastly experience for any man.
Evonne: your story about hard poo sounds like constipation rocks, which aren't any fun to pass.
Dreamer: In response to your survey, I just prefer conventional sitting on the toilet ordinarily. I've tried for the hell of it sitting backwards sometimes but that leaves poo streaks on the inner edge of the bowl. Sitting sideways is more fun because it doesn't leave a mess.
Michelle: great poo story. That's incredible that you let your friend Emily sit on your lap while pooing.
Jenny: regarding your 1st grade diarrhea attacks, I too have experienced occasions where I have to go back to the toilet over and over again to finish purging diarrhea--so I usually prefer long sessions in these instances.
Anthea: I can understand why you couldn't stop your toilet trip even for the sake of that mom and her daughter. I knew a grandmother and her three granddaughters who peed together in a bathroom toilet with someone hopping to go, angrily pounding on the door for them to leave. But what could she and the little girls do?
Amelia: great story.
Jessica: fascinating story about how that girl at Foley's did a little pee before her poo. My favorite toilet trips are where I both poo and pee. I, too, have noticed that when I do both #1 and #2 that if I pee first I let out less than if I'm peeing alone.
Raging Urophile: your recent post sounds like you're from the huge, sprawling metropolitan Los Angeles area like myself. We may be the only two persons of the 18 million residents interested in a forum of this nature. Oh, well. Your comment about a guy peeing in the sink reminds me that the former U.S. President Lyndon Johnson peed in sinks. I have an advanced history degree and someday will have to tell you guys about great leaders who defecated in public.
Student: I reiterate in response to your question about poo loads that I always dump two of them so I can get back to other activities.
I've already written a lot. I'll pause the required 36 hours re: the forum rules and then write about my best poos on my vacation.

sometimes i feel like to doing something really naughty and i poo in wierd positions making different trying to make a different shape all the time he he but its a bit messy so i rarely do it

I've got fascinated by this website, but am posting on my brother's computer!

To the females among you - please don't think that ALL men and boys are inconsiderate about the way they use the toilet, or in other things. It's true. I said in an earlier Email that GIRLS as well as BOYS could be selfish about monopolising the bathroom. Lest you think I am a misogynist, let me say that I love my girl-friend. We started living together after university graduation, and saved all we could for a deposit on a house. We promised each other, in front of friends and some young relatives (though not parents) to stay together for at least 10 years. 7 years on, we are sure we love each other to get married for life, and to have children.

Now, to what I am going to talk about. Some women complain that men leave the toilet seat up. The problem would be solved if EVERYBODY, men and women, put the toilet LID down. I am one of those boys who has never liked it when women using the toilet I use, leave the lid up.

At home, I shared a bathroom with an older brother who always made me put the lid down. He says he was a 'semi-posh boy'. He was meticulously tidy and clean, against the image which many people have of young boys. Putting the lid down was part of the routine just as important as wiping our bottoms and pulling our trousers up, flushing the loo and washing our hands. It became automatic, just like the other parts of the routine. We also made sure that we left the inside of the toilet clean, and the floor surrounding it, and DRY. (Because of our male anatomy, we all have a problem here.) Checking the toilet roll was also impressed upon me. We hadn't got time in the mad rush for school to go and get a replacement. My brother and I left the toilet as WE would want to find it.

When my brother's children come to stay, and the children of my brother's 'pal', and my girl-friend's little nephew, the boys ALL always leave the toilet lid down. (They use ímyí toilet, and when they were smaller and needed me to go in with them, they ALL put it down, or asked me to do it for them, if they couldnít reach it.)

My girlfriend's best schoolfriend visited us recently. I've never liked her much, and she was bragging about the 8 men she's lived with one after the other. We invited her specifically to tell her that we were planning to get getting married in the near future, as we want to have children. My partner was considering asking her to be senior bridesmaid, together with several little girls we are fond of (her 2 nieces, my niece, and the daughter of my brother's best childhood pal, with whom I have also been very close.)

This schoolfriend didn't go to university. I don't hold that against her, except to say that she probably 'knew it all'. You can't tell her anything, because she won't listen. She is dogmatic about things that don't matter, and won't agree to differ. Through our evening meal on her first night she was on about her present partner never putting the toilet seat down. I didn't want that sort of conversation while I was eating my dinner. But I said that from when we started to live together, I ALWAYS put the seat and the lid down, and my partner always did the same, without either of us saying anything to each other about it. My older brother ('Inominate' on this site) had always been very tidy, and always made me do that in the bathroom which we shared together. We HATED it when a female friend of our parents came to stay, and always used our bathroom (one of us had to vacate our bedroom and go into the other's - we didn't mind that, because we liked talking in bed.! ) But we didn't like it because she ALWAYS left the toilet seat down, and the lid up. (She also smoked in the bathroom and in whichever bedroom she stayed in. I had quite severe asthma as a child. Whichever room she slept in, we would stay in the other bedroom for several nights afterwards till the pong had gone.) I suggested to this old schoolfriend that if everybody put the lid down, no one could grumble. She said that was selfish and inconsiderate to women. He had offered to do that, and she wasn't having that either. In other words, I thought, you want it all your own way.

Actually, our en suite bathroom, I let my girlfriend use most of the time, and I use our guest bathroom. When this school friend was staying with us, she used the bathroom I use, and left the seat down, but never the lid. We have a large modern kitchen where we eat, and after breakfast our guest was holding forth on all sort of things. I announced euphemistically that I would go and clean my teeth. I wanted a few minutes of PEACE, and after cleaning my teeth I thought I would linger a bit longer than usual. I always check the toilet roll, especially when visitors come, and the previous evening there had been a full roll. I went for some paper to wipe the seat (that in itself was an indication of what I thought of her), and all the paper had gone. To have gone through the kitchen to get some - in the utility room where they were kept - would have drawn attention to what I was going to do, so I went into the study to get some tissues out of my briefcase. Perhaps it! was silly of me -germs donít usually last that long. Hers might, though. I gave the seat a thorough wiping before sitting my bare bottom where hers had sat. Probably a matter of principle.

I went immediately to our en suite bathroom where I knew there was a quite a full roll, and put it in the guest bathroom. I imagined her coming up and shouting 'I wanna s...t, there's no f---ing bog roll. I went downstairs again, with a supermarket plastic carrier, got a toilet roll, put it into the carrier, and went back to replace the one I had taken from our bedroom.

My girl-friend knew I found her difficult to put up with, but knew I never said much, as I didn't want to hurt her. In bed that night, she said, 'I shan't ask her again to stay, and I shan't make her a bridesmaid. I love you too much for that.' She knew I winced at some of her crude talk. I told her about the toilet roll (and the seat lid not being down). She said that she probably WOULD have reacted like that if there had been no toilet paper. She had already decided that she wasn't going to be a bridesmaid at our wedding.

At the next church bazaar we bought some knitted hats in which to fit the spare toilet roll in each of our loos.

She is coming to the wedding - with whoever is her current partner.

Musky Smell
For a few days now, I have been eating a well-known brand of corn flakes and I have noticed my farts are more frequent, louder, and really stink! Has anyone else had this experience?
This afternoon for lunch I went to a Chinese (all you can eat for £4.95) restaurant in Soho London and I love their very mild chicken curry and their cabbage, beansprouts and other greens mixed together which I had. This evening, I have been doing some really foul smelling farts which have an odour of rotting cabbage. I like smelling my farts when they are really ripe.
Are their any guys out there who like smelling their own ripe farts?

Enough is enough. 4-5 minutes is possible for some at maximum capacity simply because a muscle streched past its reasonable limit will not contract as easily, quickly or painlessly, and does not have as much leverage. Give or take prostate malfunction, child birth, the will to finish, drug/alcohol consumption, etc and well we have a one track conversation half of which is the same person talking to themself. Stop it. Stop it now. Be tolerant of others. Not everyone has the same size and build. If you are bigger than average, you clearly have half a gallon of free space Most people clearly do not.

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