Punk Rock Girl
Shawn: Eat lots and lots of yogurt. Even if you don't like it. It replenishes the good bacteria in your body. Antibiotics kill any and all bacteria, good or bad. Eat yogurt and lots of grains (no bran, obviously), but lots of bread, nuts, potatos. This will get you on the road back to solid craps!
Smelly Panda: AMERICAN GYRATION sounds like a cool flick. I'll have to check it out if I can find it. What a horrible situation to be in: to have people burst in the bathroom while you're in the middle of taking a dump, not let you finish and force you to sit there with shit mashed between your buns. I've had more than my share of "no toilet paper" dilemmas, but never under circumstances like that!
American Eagle: I agree. I'm not really big on even looking at my own or anyone else's shit, much less actually seeing it come out of my/their ass. I did once set up a video camera and taped myself taking a shit a couple of times, just to see how I looked. Once I sat on the toilet, once I hovered over the toilet. Not too wild about watching myself or others shit. I just like other people watching me shit! I am quite the conundrum!
Speaking of that, last night after dinner, I had to take a dump and went in the bathroom, in my aprartment this time (my boyfriend and I spend about half the week in each others' apartment; rarely are we in our respective places alone). My boyfriend was just finishing peeing. I said hurry up, I have to crap. He finished and flushed the toilet. I unzipped my pants and pulled them and my thong down to my ankles and sat on the pot. After a short trickle of pee, I started pushing out a big load, which was breaking and plopping into the water as it came out. It was quite a relief, and as usual, I got a little rush from having him in there with me. I forced a few more pebbles out, which splashed my ass with water, then I was finished. I rolled off some paper, wiped, wiped again and flushed. When my load was gone, I stood up, and pulled up my thong. He squeezed my bare butt cheeks as I pulled my pants up and I giggled. My ass is ticklish, and he takes advantage of th! at quite a bit! We watched a movie, then went to bed. I haven't had to shit yet today. Maybe later!
To Bubba: Your observations of male and female peeing habits and the question as to who has the largest bladder is intruiging to me also. I have a very large bladder and never pee more than twice or sometimes three times a day. But my girlfriend beats that. She has been known to wait for 24 hours, peeing only in the morning. I noticed tonight at the new James Bond movie large numbers of guys and girls were waiting for the door to open. (It is a cold November night.) When it did most of the girls rushed to the ladies' room. Only a few guys did. At least in the USA it is macho to hold your pee. Guys sometimes brag about it.We peeded early afternoon and then not again after getting back to her apartment about 11 at night, a hold of 9+ hours. (We are 21 and in college.) We like full bladder sex. Keep on posting. You write very well.
WETGUY--I always love your stories, especially the last one about the ballgame. Keep them coming!
EMILY OF NYC--LOL means "laughing out loud"
GUYS--On an average, how long can you usually hold your pee? I know girls seem to be able to hold longer (I'm female), and I can easily hold it for 12 hours or more, but my guy friends, especially Micah and Ty, act like they can only hold it for a couple of hours. Is it really that hard for guys to hold it for several hours? Appreciate any responses!
Once I was at work I wore a long skirt no panties but the bathrooms were locked and then all of a sudden I had to go bend down and pee outside and left a puddle and then peed the rest in my pants
Hi. This is a really cool forum! It's great to find out that so many other people are interested in peeing and pooping. I thought I'd share a very unpleasant experience of mine (well, it's funny now, it wasn't then). I'm an actor, and I used to act in high school and college plays. Well, once in college, I was just a tech in a play, helping with props and stuff, which meant I spent all the time backstage. This was fortunate, because I had a really bad case of stomach flu and was shitting about once an hour. There was no restroom baskstage, so we had set up a portable toilet, which is basically just a plastic box with a toilet seat on it. Since there was no room to put it in, we set up some lightposts with black fabric hung around it. Well, at one point during some pre-show preparations, I felt a huge wave of the shits coming on. I knew I would never make it to an actual restroom, so I dashed for the porta-toilet. I went in the the little cubicle we'd built, yanked! my jeans and boxers down, sat down and started shitting my brains out. Well, while sitting there shitting, someone walking by with an armful of props bumped into one of the lightstands, and caused it to shift. This caused the whole piece of fabric to fall to the floor, and there I was, in full view of about fifteen people--men and women--with my pants and underwear around my knees and diarrhea still oozing out of me. I just sat there for a moment, completely humiliated. No one did anything, everyone just stood there staring at me. I stood up and pulled my pants up and left the room. I didn't come back until just a few minutes before the show, and they had set the "wall" back up. It really sucked. I took the time before returning to wipe my ass in the men's room. It was the last time I used the porta-toilet. I was in the same predicament the following night, but held it until after the show, at which point I raced to the mens room and shit my brains out. I think I! 'd rather shit my pants than have a dozen people see me on the toilet! So long for now.
Okay I finally got a copy of the Underground Comedy Movie. The cover has two spermodels on the toilet and it even has it on the DVD itself. The movie..well you have to have a sublime taste for humor to enjoy it..but well here's the scene people talk about. the scene opens with the words "Something you never see" and it shows two supermodels close to each other like in a shot then it pans back and they're on toilets.(yes Punk Rock Girl.. they are bottomless..I know you had a bone to pick with Avril's video "Complicated" for such a reason..however I have seen pics where Avril does in fact drop everything and sit bare tushied on the campering toilet.)Anyway they strain and grunt and you can hear it coming out of them[wicked dumps they take] and you hear it KAPLUNK in the water. The blond finishes first so the other hands her some paper..yes you do see her wipe..but she remains on the toilet like it took a lot out of her. Finally the other girl finishes and sighs. First time! I saw it it sorta blew my mind..then I found it quite funny. Elena just cracked up and said it was too much. Linda just watched and said,"But supermodels don't eat enough to make huge poops like that" I told her that's how they stay thin..it all comes out at once. Anyway there ya have it folks.
Still I have to girls at home who put those in the movie to shame... and I have two who are shall we say "in-training" let me tell you potty training twins is an adventure.Still all my girls are much cuter than any supermodel..and they eat as much as they want.
Pammy of AZ
I've found this forum by incident, and I think that it is great..
I recently started to work in a big department store.. My shift is very long and i need to use the restrooms couple of times.
Unfortunately, they toilets in my workplace are very filthy, so sitting on them even with a health guard is out of the question... It is so ewww that I can't make myself doing it.
I don't find any problems to pee while hovering over the bowl, it all goes nice without spraying.. but pooping in this position is a real nightmare.. Although I'm pushing hard, it doesn't come out, and when it comes out, sometimes it gets stuck in the middle.. any idea how to do it right?
to smelly panda-
can you name any movies with good dump scenes? especially the old 70's.
Doesn't music from a large string instrument like a cello remind you of a deep in the bowels bm urge?
Hi everybody ,we are at the camp last summer me and my girl friend.we sleep there for the week-end,and we have a outhousse a few feet from the camp . so the friday night i repaint the interior of the little outhousse,i repaint all light brown and whit.So the next morning it was all dry so my gf said i have to go pretty bad to poop,she said can i use the shithouse.I said yes but i wont to see you use it.she said ok comme with me.So we grab somme tp and walk toghether to the shithouse as soon we get in there she drop her pant and pantydown the floorand seat comfdortably on the benche she let out a big fart and sudenly let out a big liquid sound she said she have diareha she open her leg and i saw all the poop coming out of her as soon she finish she said do you need to go to,i said yes so she just turn around and i seet on the pot and i cleen her ass.Ilet out a big fart and a big log start her way downi stay on the pot for 3 min and im donne . aneway after 2 days in the woo! d we have to go servel time .so on the sunday morning before we left ther she had to go againe and she said comme and watch meso we get in the little shit ouse againe and she put her pant,panty downand seat on the cushintoilet seat and rip a big load on musshy poop after she was donne what a smell there.i said do you wont to see what wer donne since friday night she said yes so i open the back door of the benche and we saw alle the poop wev donne since the begening of the weekend the have a big long turdand all cover whit green poop slimy on the top she drink a lot of grape juice.and the colore green comme frome that juice aneway i stil get a hard on to see her pooping in front of me and let me cleen her ass. see ya
wetguy, you said you were glad no one your age saw your accident. Did your dad notice? If so, what did he say? And to anyone on this board -- anyone who ever wet his pants as a teen, and whose mom and/or dad saw it or found out about it, I'd be interested in the details.
Scarlet, you asked if my roomie made it to the bathroom on time. Well, I put in those details the first time I tried to post the story, but I guess it was too suggestive, and the first post didn't show up. So I'll just say the answer is "no." When he left the stairwell to run ahead of me and unlock our suite, he was dry, but squeezing the front of his jeans and bouncing around. By the time I got there, he was in the bathroom peeing. He tried to keep his back to me, but I soon saw that his jeans were wet down to the knees. Personally, I think he deliberately did it after he saw I had wet my pants.
Bryian, you asked if my roomie was cool about it. Yeah, see above. But I can't go into any more detail, or this won't get posted.
Early this morning(Saturday) I woke up about 3am with really bad cramps! Im like what did i eat cause i ate a cheese sandwich last night and then for lunch i had meat balls and rice. Maybe it was the red meat, i think sometimes red meat goes through me for some reason, but not all the time. So i don't know any one else have this problem? So i woke up with cramps....and i went to the toilet sat nothing came, i didn't wanna push to hard cause i have a hernia and my stomach is in pain from time to time....Then i was so cold i couldn't take it any more i went back to bed cause i wanted my sleep. Then a few minutes later i thought i had to go i sat more nothing...i went back in bed. Then a bit later i was feeling crampy again. I went to the toilet, finaly some poop came out! Im not sure how many logs came out, i didn't even look. Then after some plops i farted and pure liquid came out and it was light brown and looked gross and smelled really bad. I only pooped 1 time...Don't kno! w what was up with me...Later
Hey all, my god, I had such an accident Thursday. I was coming home from school, I'm 16, and was holding my shit all day. As I was driving home, I got caught in some traffic. I knew I couldn't hold so I decideed to let a little out into my gray boxer briefs. I let a little out, but not enought to touch my pants. That helped, but not for long. I had a about 10 huge cramps all at once. I just couldn't hold it. My stomache growled and I knew I was gonna shit. I lifted my butt off the seat a little and I farted a few times and then exploded mushy diarrhea into my boxer briefs. It went everywhere. I felt it come up around my balls too, then exploded one more time. It smushed all around in my boxerbriefs and into my jeans. I continued to drive hoime and got another wave of crapms. I continued to drive and once again, I exploded another huge load of mushy diarrhea into my pants. It all went to the front of my boxer briefs up around my balls some more. When I got home I was a mess! and so were my jeans and boxerbriefs. When I got home there were no cars there, so no one was home. I quickly got into the shower and threw my clothes into a trash bag. After that, I went and put the trash bag out by the road (it was trash day).
I ain't got much to say today. I'm sitting on the third floor of the library at the U and I have to take my daily. I wonder if I can gether the balls to shit in the back between the bookshelves. Nope, I actually have more respect than that. That would be too weird. My one question survey is now here for anyone who bothers; what is the most daring outside dump any of ya'll has taken? It's gotta be outside w/a lot of people around, whether they,ve noticed or not. I may have some of you beat, I was well prepared and it was well thought out. I'll explain later, especially if some of you outdo me. I must mention though that this came after at least ten years of coming up with the most f???d up dump possible, and I was almost arrested. (I had to run from the mall security.) For right now, I'll just say I was 24 and incredibly inebriated and my dump involved cutting up a pair of jeans, a big city mall full of people, a water fountain, and a 2-hour drive to make sure nobody around ! would recognize me and turn me in.
I gotta go take a dump bad enough I'm annoying those at other computers with my farting, though it doesn't stink yet.
Some responses-TO SHIT-LOVIN"CHICK-Hey,really enjoyed your buddy poop with your friend-I wish I could have been a fly on the walll for that one!
TO SHAWN-I too have had some trouble with anitbiotics and the runs form time to time-what I do is eat lots of yogurt,What it does is replace some of the good bacteria in the intestines that is being killed off by the antibiotic-try it!
TO PUNK ROCK GIRL-Yup,curry really does burn the asshole,but for myself tex-mex food really does it-I do some monster unloading with tex-mex!I call it the ring of fire-BTW I enjoy your discribtions of your dumps-nice stuff
TO AMERICAN EAGLE-Theres' nothing like fiber to produce some great dumps
Every now and then I take some metameucil to clean out my system and for about 3-5 days I do some incredible long dumps that are just great!I look foreward to those!Keep up the fiber
TO ALEXA-You sound like my kind of girl-We should get together a take a nice buddy dump in the woods and who cares who see us doin' it! Enjoy your stories!
TO ELLIE GURL-yes,i would enjoy seeing a fit lady to a good load preferribly as we can both dump together! Let's hear some of yor stories<ELLIE!!
Speaking of dumps,ELLIE,The last couple of mornings I've been waking up with my rectum bursting,Uaually I'm up about 45-60 mins before i have to dump,but lately I practally run out of bad and rip off my sweat pants and sat down on the bowl with 2-3 long farts to announce the start of my morning unloading and man,has it been feelin' just great!Also the volume of the dumps have increased too-now I normally do some healthy BM's cause I exercise and I'm in pretty goo shape,but man,lately i've been fillin' up the bowl-did a couple of dumps at the gym whee the poop was rising abuve the water line with some long sausage poop wrapped around the bowl and another thing-when I get the urge,I have to go right away and I can hardly hold it-it's been great-I wish I could buddy poop with some of you ladies out there,or even some of you guys,too-it would be fun!!
Great stuff everyone!!More poops from me later! BYE
hi I havent posted before but i read all the posts since page 784 here is an intiresting story fom long ago..... when I was 12 i went to a air show. during the wating period during a time when we were wating for a jumbo jet to land so we could resume the show i went to a porto potty siting in the fiberglass outhouse i heard a mans voice say "okay boys i kwikly need to go and do somthing" and two 10 year old boys voices "ok dad when this person gets out will go in" then the man left after 2 minutes I heard "man i gotta go" then the other one said "watch and learn" then i saw somthing that stuned me at first a library card being pushed inside the the space between the door and the wall it was jut a pivt lock you know you slide the pice of meadle into an ingroved pice of plastic except this one had the same thing attached to both sides so that it wouldnt swing ethier way the the library card suddenly snaped up then it happend so fast two boys jump in whip out there members and ! start peeing on me well i came to my mind wth one quick move i grabed the back collier of both of their t shirts swung them twards the urinal they were already laughing when they tucked in there members then I said "AH your laughing now but no AND I MEAN NOBODY pissis on me and gets away with it!" they were laughing but now nervusly I looked back and forth then spotted him a slightly over wait man just slipping on a hat with a picture of a jet on it he looked at me with a look of anger and confusion he walked up to me and said "what the hell is going on here" I said "these two little kids " i said calmly puting them down they stood up beside me not wanting to go back to their father "just broke into my porta potty and pissed on me"I said gesturing to my pants that had wet spots on them he said "did they" I said yes he said "you to come here NOW!" he snatched them up like i did only harder and said "i'll take care of them " I said Ok he stormed ito a vacent porta potty and b! ent one over his knee and spanked Him and said with each slap" your-grounded-for-a-month" I went back and laid down on the grass watching the planes fly over my head and letting the sun dry my pants.:) all from me for now bye
Adrian, Big Anne, my Grandmother usually did big jobbies anyway. She was a big woman and we all ate well much of our food the produce of their little farm so as what goes in must come out Gran passed big solid but easy whoppers most days, she only got constipated once in a blue moon, and I usually saw her big turds lying in the bottom of the privy and jobbies 12 inches long and 2 and 1/2 inches thick were quite common for her. The largest turd I ever saw that she passed was about 18 inches long and as fat as the others mentioned. This was one Xmas after a very large Xmas Dinner. It was a crisp Boxing Day and I was making a snowman , I was about 10 at the time. My Gran came out of the house and walked towards the privy. In the quiet I listened as she lifted her skirt and pulled down her big white cotton briefs. I heard her pee, of course there was no tinkle as there was no water in a privy, just a sound like pouring a kettle of water on the ground, then a loud fart and an NN!! NN! UH! I heard the crackling sound as her motion came out then a deep sigh of relief, AH!, the rustle as she wiped her bum, pulled up her knickers and adjusted her skirt and coat and came out. Stopping to admire my snowman she didnt hang about in the cold but went back indoors. I waited till she had gone then went to have a look in the privy. I would simply have said I had gone for a pee if anyone had asked. In the bottom was a huge long fat jobbie, still steaming in the cold air. Now I had often seen where she had done a large motion which had come out as two big jobbies usually one 12 inches long and then a second smaller turd but this had all come away in a oner, a big fat curved poo. She did a few like that from time to time, but her normal jobbies were about one foot long.
She only had one big poo accident in her knickers that I knew about, coming back from shopping one day. It made a huge bulge in the seat of her knickers but being solid didnt leak out or make too much mess. She simply got washed and changed, and washed her knickers , hanging them up to dry in front of the kitchen range. Also on a couple of occasions she wet her knickers. Once when out in the country she needed a wee wee but there as no wall or bushes to go behind and too many people about it being summer, so she just squatted down and peed on the grass through the gusset of her knickers, washing and changing into a clean pair when she got home. What may interest you Adrian is that, as we all did, she farted quite a lot, particularly when she was needing a motion, a sure sign that a big jobbie was shortly going to be done by her. I suppose the healthy diet we all ate, and I still do, makes for a lot of intestinal gas.
Also, when I was about 7 I saw here doing a big jobbie outdoors. We had gone for a trip to the seaside and were in the sand dunes. After our picnic lunch Gran and I both needed a number two but the nearest public toilets were a long way away on the seafront. We both just went into the dunes away from the few other people around and squatted down. I did my own not particularly big jobbie, being just 7 years old at the time, but watched fascinated as I saw the big fat brown lump slowly emerge between her plump buttocks. It was a lovely big fat jobbie and just slid out onto the sand behind the dark patch her wee wee had made. Again it was a solid 12 incher with a pointed end. Relieved, she pulled up her knickers, big white briefs as usual, dropped her skirt and we both had a good look before we buried both our motions under two piles of dry sand to keep the flies away. This was away from the path so nobody was likely to tread in our poos. As we had no toilet paper we couldn! t wipe our bums but our motions had been solid and I only had a small brown skid mark in the seat of my white Y Fronts and I suppose Grans knickers were similarly marked. I must say that country people were a lot less prudish about their natural functions than town folk and that often I saw other kids I played with simply go behind a wall or in the bushes when they needed a poo if playing in the fields rather than try to hold it in till they got to a toilet.
Saturday, November 24, 2002
Todd and Diana
It has been a while since we last posted. We have been really busy. But we have been reading the posts as usual. We loved JaLe's last post, not to mention ShitLovin Chick's posts too. The women don't realize how lucky they are. I mean Diana knows how I feel. I would like to take a day and go and sit in a female's restroom and just watch and listen. The women have the pleasure of doing that everyday.
Alexa- Hey Girl, We love your posts, they get us really excited. You describe them in great detail to where we can almost imagine that we are there at the time. Quick ?'s for you. How often do you read on the toilet and what do you usually read on the toilet? If you don't know both Diana and I feel that when a female is reading on the toilet it is such a turn on. And how old are you? We are getting the picture that you are an attractive girl? When an attractive girl does her buisness, that only makes it better. Please reply to us, Lots of Lovexxxx Todd and Diana!
Emily of NYC: LOL means laugh out loud.
This morning have been doing some very loud and revolting smelling gassy farts. It's not true that loud farts don't smell as bad as silent ones! I think it might be the apple crumble and custard I've being eating lately.
Meghan (Sarah S's sis)
I have to rush with this. I have physical therapy in about 20 minutes. I want to thank everyone for their concern especially KENDAL and ANDREW for their "kiss to make it better". It really made me feel good!
This story is for you two and all of my friends!
As you know I still have problems with my legs. As I am 5'8" it really hurts me to sit down on the toilet. Because of that the Dr. ordered me a raised, padded seat. This morning I walked to the loo and sat down. I hunched over as I felt the need to have a big poo! I grunted and pee started flowing out. My roomate came by to see about me. I told her I was ok. I felt the poo start to exit my bum. It seemed forever. As I was shifting on the seat it started to fall over and off the toilet. I went with it. My screams alerted Jill and she came running. I was on the floor with shit sticking out of my bum and pee running all over the place. Somehow it struck me funny. In my pain I started to laugh. Jill thought I was bonkers. She helped me up and put the piece into the bowl. Then we cleaned the seat and she helped me clean my arse. She started laughing and we were screaming by the time she got me into the shower. She helped me clean up and I did another wee in the tub. She said;! "wouldn't your Dad and Annie have a roll over this?" I thought they would. I called them and told them the story. Also Sarah called and she knows. Everyone thought it was funny. I have to quit now. The therapist just walked in the door! My love and hugs go to: Kendal, Andrew, and Ellen, Eleanor-sorry to hear about your problem, Jane and Gary- Dad forgot to put you on the list so I will, Louise and Steve- Thanks!, Rizzo-hi dear sir!, PV- hi aussie, Ina- Hi there,hope you are ok, Tim and Sarah- thank you for your concern, Damsel-hi girl!, Todd and Diana-how are those babies?, Ephermal-hi sweetie!, Carmalita and Jake! I know I left people out. I'm sorry! Take care!
I read in an Old Post about toilet pans with poor sound effects, that is those where there is not good "Kersploonkability". In the house I have moved to this was the case, the pan was hopeless and all you ever heard was "Flimp!" even from a good big solid jobbie. I was actually going to see if I could buy a better toilet pan from a builders merchant or Do it Yourself Shop but didnt fancy trying to replace the old pan on my own. However, I read an idea from a poster here, some time back, which has beautifully solved the problem.
Following his advice I went to a medical equipment supply shop, the type that sells articles for nursing homes for the elderly and bought one of those clip on raised toilet seats. This is meant for those who have difficulty sitting on the pan. It has added about 6 inches to the drop between my bum and the water in the bottom of the toilet bowl and actually makes it more comfortable to sit on and is fitted in a couple of minutes. This morning I did a big motion sitting on it. What a difference! The three fat turds I produced went "KURSPLOONK! KER-SPLOOSH! KUPLONK!" loudly as they dropped the extra distance into the water. Big thanks to the poster who gave this advice! Its a cheap solution too as it only cost £24 UK (about £38 US).
So for those who like to hear "Plimptons! "Plumptons" and "Cullumptons!" this may enhance your enjoyment. The seat is quickly removed in a minute or so and can be cleaned easily.
the antibiotics you have had to take have probably killed the ‘good’ bacteria in your intestines. Some doctors tell you to eat yoghurt in order to restore the balance of micro-organisms in your digestive tract. Try it.
I had a good laugh when I read your story about your co-worker spreading your pee from that bucket with a mop!
Meghan, you poor thing, I had not realised that you were hurt so severely that you still need a walker. It must be a nuisance to have to hobble to the bathroom. I hope you get well soon. Love to you, to Sarah S. and to your dad from Rizzo
Tim and Sarah, it seems that my story about a Tuesday morning shit over the stern of a boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean has not made it, or it got inserted in some past page. I am glad that you are reasonably well. Tim, I hope you continue to recover. Love to you and your lovely family from Rizzo.
Eleanor, I hope you are better. What Kendal described sounds very much like a delayed attack of Lisbon ?????. You do not have to go to that city to catch it. It suffices that you caught some bug your body was not used to during your holiday. Give my love to your dear friend Kendal too.
Ellen, dear, I am glad you liked my trump story. Sorry for using long words! But I did ask Andrew to read it to you! Love to you from Rizzo.
A few days ago we had tried a new brand of coffee for breakfast. It tasted so good that I had an extra cup of the brew together with my morning o-juice. About an hour later I donned a wind cheater and took the dog for its morning walk through the gardens, down to the bayside and through the marina, where I had spied an interesting looking boat from afar, and which I wanted to see. By the time I had come close enough to see the vessel, I felt that I was rapidly developing an urge to pee. But because I was only about ten minutes fast walk from home, I lingered. Then when I did finally turn back, the urge had become more serious. Of course I could walk all around to the other side of the marina, tie the dog up and go to the public toilets. So I did. When I drew nearer to the toilets, I saw that there was one dog tied up outside already. It was a large black dobermann which I knew our little dog to be very scared of. So I changed the direction and headed for home. No probl! em, I thought. Wrong! Our dog is an old dog. It dawdles, sniffing here and sniffing there, stopping more often than walking. It is maddening when one is in a hurry. The tingle in my bladder was now beginning to migrate all the way down to the tip of my willie, obliging me to clamp my holding muscles hard at ever shortening intervals in order to stimulate the inner sphincter to hold on and not to dribble pee into my pants. It was really alarming! I had not experienced such an onslaught of desperation in so short a time! It must have been that coffee irritating my bladder walls and triggering the detrusor (squeeze-out) muscle into hyper action! By now I was almost dragging the dog along on the end of its flexi-lead! I said, ‘COME ON NOW!’ but alas, it was of no use at all. Our dog is practically deaf. Only repeated tugs on the lead - in rhythm with frantic efforts to clench back my pee – got the dog moving homewards. I hoped fervently that I would not run into somebody I kn! ew, that I would have to stop and say hello in a strained voice crossing my legs. How embarrassing that would be! I tried not to look ahead, tried to concentrate on holding on. I put one hand in my pocket and gave my willie a good pinch. It helped for a few seconds, then the excruiatingly tingling urge kicked in again. I had to stop for a moment and stick my bum out pressing my crossed thighs together. Thankfully nobody was in sight. Then, as I turned into the end of our little street and only had another seventy yards to go, I saw Mrs. N., our neighbour come out of her house. Oh no! She always likes to have a little chat, but in the state I was, I just couldn’t face such a delay. Better to keep moving, I thought, so I turned back, and went all the way around the block using parallel streets to take the longer way home. But at least I did not have to stop, to say hello, and to endure all the nicities of polite conversation while fighting desperately to control the urge to p! ee. I bent down – momentary relief – to unleash the dog when again within sight of our front door. It took a while to insert the key in the lock, because my hand was shaking form the strain within. Door open, I rushed into the bathroom conveniently right inside and next to the entrance. No time to close the door, but it shielded me from view from the street, and the dog hadn’t yet come in. Hopping from one foot to the other I unzipped the fly, while I had the other hand in my pocket clenching my willie shut. That hurt! But with the toilet bowl and relief in sight my bladder had just given way. Now I had to let go and shift my grip, so to speak, to aim the jetting stream nto the toilet. A good squirt went into my pants to show as a tennis ball sized damp spot on the front of my jeans. But to feel the stream and the subsiding bladder was heavenly relief. Actually my pee had an underlying smell of coffee to it! My wife appeared. Why is the door open? she said. I explained. Sh! e giggled when she saw my jeans wet in front. No big deal, just go and clean up and change, she added. The whole episode was a bit too close a call for my liking.
Bye to all of you, Rizzo
I've snuck into Andrew's bedroom to write this. He's away staying at a friend's house !
COURTNEY: I loved your story. I've still never had to poo outside. In fact, I've never been camping ! My friend Eleanor says she will have to take me one day with her Dad ! Love Kendal.
BRYIAN: What a story. I wonder if that guy really had eaten string ! His poos would be like sausages from a butchers !! Love from Kendal.
COUSIN: Trust you to want to buy a DVD because it has a picture of two models sitting on the toilet on the front cover !!!! Love from Kendal xx
LONDON CALLING: So sorry to hear about your Dad. As you know, I understand what you are going through. Just to cheer you up, a description of the poo I had at tea time ! I was at Eleanor's house. So I went into the bathroom with the shiney wall tiles, and lifted up my grey school skirt, and pulled down my pampies which were sky blue, until they were about three or four inches above my knees, and then I settled down comfortably on the seat. (Just imagine you can see my reflection in those tiles; my boyfriend Michael was doing exactly the same anyway !!) I breathed in heavily and let out a relaxed sigh and waited while my body decided whether to wee or poo first. It was wee, and I tinkled a happy tune ! Then about half way through my wee, my poo began to come out of my bottom. I didn't have to do much pushing, so I was just able to delight in the feeling of a jolly good poo working its way out of my bottom at a really slow pace. It was so steady and slow that my wee sl! owed down in harmony with it. In fact it slowed down to such a small trickle that I'm sure I felt it running backwards on my bum to trickle its way down the several inches of poo I'd made by then !! Then, unexpectedly, I felt my poo suddenly breaking off, and it dropped with quite a cullompton by my standards ! My wee picked up velocity again until I had run myself completely dry. I waited an extra minute or so just to see whether I could do any more poo, but I was done, apart from the bit left behind hanging from my bum after the first piece broke off ! I clenched my bum together to break off the last bit, and made a lovely plippy plop when it fell in the water ! Then I got some toilet paper and gave myself a good wipe before pulling my sky blue pampies back up again, and smoothing back down my school skirt. There. Hope you enjoyed !! Love from Kendal xxx
PS: Your name never appears at the top of the post. All you have to do is click in the top left box that says "Your name (optional)", delete those words, and replace them with London Calling. Then you'll get your name in bold black letters at the top of your post just like the rest of us ! Take care, and I'm thinking about you at this sad time.
LINDA GS: Well girl ! What did I tell you in my last post ?! It happened exactly as I said it would. Eleanor was better from her sickness after just a couple of days, but then she just didn't go again until tonight, three days after she last had a poo !!! I went with her, and she specifically spoke about you and wished you were there for this display ! ( I told her you would be in spirit, with that infamous cheerleader dance routine you put together especially for me, remember ?!! ) Anyway, she felt that her stomach was so full of poo that it ached terribly, and it was about time she tried to empty herself ! She sat and strained and gasped for at least five minutes before she felt like her poo was going to come. And when it did, what a monster it was. She spent another five minutes pushing it out, her eyes positively bulging with effort and pain ( it was hurting ). When she pulled her pampies down to open her legs and let me see it, I think my eyes filled with wat! er out of empathy. I don't think I would be kidding much if I said this enormous poo hanging out of her bottom was as thick as my arm !!! Eleanor closed her legs again and burst out laughing with embarrassment at what she had just shown me ! Anyway, it was too thick and hard for her to be able to break it off by clenching her bum hole, so she had to continue to strain and keep going until it broke off of its own accord, which wasn't for another five minutes ! During that time I pursuaded her that it might help her if she pulled her pampies up to the top of her legs, and took a good grip of them. My little cousin Ellen has taught me that one. She does it herself while she is having a big poo ! Eleanor's grip was so firm, her knuckles turned white, and then with one extremely loud gasp of relief, I heard a soft flop noise and a sort of thud. Eleanor grabbed the toilet roll, and gingerly wiped her sore bum. There was nothing on the paper at all !!, so after wiping her front! bits, she replaced her pampies around her bum, and we both looked in the toilet. There was one single enormous poo ! The flop must have been the bit that went in the water. The thud most definitely must have been the bit of it that was poking up out of the water, leaning on the back of the bowl. And I mean really poking up, so far that it nearly touched the rim !! Eleanor flushed, and it left me hooting with laughter when none of her poo went down !! I said I'd fetch Michael, but was told not to dare do that ! After three flushes to no avail, Eleanor left the bathroom. I had to lock the door and not let anyone in while she came back again ! When she did come back, I nearly weed myself. She had got a garden trowel, and used that to chop up her poo in the toilet into lots of small pieces, which then all went in one flush, but not before the water had risen dramatically up the bowl first ! Eleanor told me to tell you that she hoped you enjoyed reading about this, and that! she now understands how people break the toilet on occasions ! Hope you're keeping well my dear friend. Lots of love from Kendal xxxxxxxxxxx (XOSXOS from that boy !).
Love to everyone else as well xxxxxxxxxxx