This group is totally sick, but hilarious! I've been reading it for the longest time and finally I'm able to participate. Yesterday afternoon I was on the go all day so for lunch I grabbed an egg salad sandwich and a thingie of milk from a convenience store, and a slim jim snack and a pack of twinkies. I didn't feel all that great shortly after eating it. A couple hours later at the library my stomach began to ache and I started burping a lot, later my mouth began to drool heavily and I felt shaky. When I burped I smelled slim jim. I wanted to puke, so I went home. I didn't quite make it home before I felt the immediate need to throw away my groceries so, and it's kind of ironic, I stopped at the same convenience store to use the bathroom. I almost didn't make it, but fortunately I had barely enough time to shut the door before just as it rushed up suddenly into my mouth. I turned quickly toward the toilet as I began to heave and "Blaaap!", it landed on the back porti! on of the toilet and a lot somehow got on the wall and all over the toilet seat. I raised up the seat and like bent way down and I got the rest into the toilet. It was kind of thick like almost a batter and landed in the water really hard and splashed on my face. As I made progress it got more liquidish and came out with a lot of power, all on it's own, all I had to do was aim my mouth at the toilet and my stomach did all the work. It was truly automatic powerpuking! The first heave was really the only terrible part and after I started it wasn't so bad, a relief actually. It was if I threw up much more than my stomach could hold and it's really amazing the actual amount that came out of me and I thought I'd never stop. I felt so much better after I got through, but it took quite a while to get it all out. I don't think I can ever go back there after the mess I left for them to clean up. It was totally sickening to behold. Besides the terrible stench of vomit, the ess! ence of slim jim was evident! I was embarrassed to look at anyone on my way out of the store. I tasted and smelled slim jim right before, during, and after I puked and I couldn't completely spit the taste out of my mouth. Even after I brushed my teeth and gargled with mouthwash I still couldn't get rid of all traces of slim jim flavor and I can't think about one of those without feeling a wave of nausea engulfing me.
Every morning when I wake up I feel sick,I try to eat breakfast but the sight of it makes me vomit!!I go to the loo look over the bowl and spew!!!!Normally it's yellow bile and tastes disgusting,but the other morning it was chunks of what I had for tea the night before which was a rather hot spicy curry!!!It came up brown chunky puke which landed with a BUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! in the toilet!I knelt down in front of the bowl and brought the entire contents of my stomache up in one go!The toilet was half full with my vomit when I had a attack of diarrhea,I sat down and my bum exploded with liquid runny poo!!!!I eventully managed to crawl back to bed still feeling grotty!I think it might be a 24 hour bug,hopefully I'll feel better soon!Got to go to the loo again so bye for now!!!!
Hi all my fellow pukers!What's been going on?,or should I say what's been coming up!?Sorry bad joke but I'm in areally good mood!Despite the fact I got totally drunk last night and woke up with my head over the puke filled toilet today's been good!!!!I was having a couple or so beers with some mates at a BBQ and went a bit over board so later that night up comes my few beers and burgers and chicken legs and sausages plus all the salad and god knows what else!The reason I feel so good is because I ate out I didn't come down with the food poisioning the rest of my family has got!!!HA HA so even though I was sick I haven't got the diarrhea.stomache ache and the vomiting all the time like them.It sure is barf city round here at the moment!!!!Anyone with a vomit fetish would be in their element!!God to go someone needs me!!!!
Stepan R - I have absolutely no idea! I vaguely remembered it from being drunk, and my friend had told me about it, which probably was just a prank to laugh at me in my effort to relieve myself.
Well then Folee here's one especially for you!I t was a fairly short car ride to the caravan we were staying in luckily!We started off early to avoid getting stuck in traffic so I had a piece of toast and my travel sickness pills and a glass of orange to wash it all down!!We had only been travelling for half an hour when the usual nauseas feeling started,I mentioned to Mum that I wasn't feeling too good and she told Dad to stop ASAP!Dad pulles into a car park with toilets what luxury and I bolted into the gents,I leaned over the bowl and BLLLLLUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!Out came my toast,orange juice and pills,along with several other partly digested chunks!After a bit of dry heaving I returned to the car.....An hour later I started feeling ill again this time we were bombing down the motorway with no chance of stopping,the bucket was passed to me and BLUUUUGGGGHHHH out came some really liquid brown stuff(I can't remember eating anything like that colour)!!We eventully got to our c! aravan after getting stuck in several long travel holdups and the first thing I did when I got out the car is puke all over the side of the caravean........Well that's all foe now I'll post again soon.happy spewing until than!!!
Just a quick one!Do people like reading my vomit stories and do you all want to hear more?I know Folee likes them but what about everyone else?Please let me know as I read this site most nights!!
Had a dodgy curry yesterday!All day I have been throwing up and having diarrhea!My stomache doesn't feel at all settled yet.so I am not venturing too far from the toilet.Got to go SORRY!!!!
hey SCOTT UK!
i would love to hear all about your travel sickness stories. post them on here or email me! thanks**
I am a custodian at a college and I have had many times when I have been called to one building or another because someone had puked, and I needed to clean it up. It doesn't happen everyday but it happens a lot more than you would think! I have quite a few stories but there is one incident which really sticks out in my mind! I was called over to one of the buildings on campus because somebody threw up in the women's restroom. (I carry a walkie-talkie with me everywhere I go on campus. I call these type of calls "puke patrol") I instantly begen to mentaly prepair myself for the task ahead. I got there and opened the door and I could smell it before I even got a chance to see it! I rounded the connor and there was a thin trail of puke on the floor leading from the door to the toliet. I opened the stall door and puke was EVERYWHERE! Puke was splattered on the wall, puke was covering the toliet seat and bowl, there was a huge puddle of puke on the floor infront of and all around t! he toliet. I had never seen so much vomit at one time in my life. Now, this stuff happens. This girl must have been very viloently sick, but the one thing that made me extreamly angry was that whoever this lady was, she didn't bother to flush the toliet, she just let it sit there. (Did I mention the it smelled horrorible!)I took one look at the inside of that toliet blow and I almost threw up myself!!! It looked like she had eaten a supream pizza and a carton of white milk!!! I could see pepperionie, sausage, muchrooms, clumps of half chewed crust, olives, onions, cheese galore, pizza sauce, (you get the point!) The smell became almost unbarriable and my stomach instintivily gave a good sized heaved and part of my lunch came up and into my mouth! I quickly swallowed it back down and then I just had to get out of there for a few minuets. As I tried to regain my composure I inwardly began to cuss out the idiot who did this. Getting sick and throwing up is one thing, being caught! by supprise and not being able to make it to the toliet on time and making a little bit of a mess is even understandable and forgiviable, but for crying out loud, what you do end up getting into the toliet bowl, have the common curtisey and decentance to flush down the toliet once your done!!!!!!! How hard can that be!!! All you have to do in pull a handle!!!!!!! Eventualy, I was able to go back in there and clean up the mess, but I will never forget that for as long as I live and I hope that I never have to encounter something like that EVER again!!!
Bit of a problem the other day!I wasn't feeling well at all,I think it was a touch of food poisioning I'd been feeling grotty all day but managed to get through the day without any mishaps,a few close calls but managed to get to the toilet on time-diarrhea most of the time but a bad nausea feeling.I came home from school crashed out on the sofa and fell asleep for a while,when I woke up I felt so sick I rushed to the toilet and BLAAAAHHHHHHHHH!A cascade of vomit flooded the toilet,it was really chunky for those of you who like details and I could definately see traces of my breakfast in it!The constant stream was beginning to subside and I felt the need tor an urgent poo.I pulled my jeans down and SPLLLLLATTTT! out came a torrent of diarrhea and to my horror my mobile phone followed it in!!There was no way I was putting my hand in that mess even the thought of it was making me gag!So I flushed the loo and my phone was left floating on the top!I was feeling to ill to clean it u! p so after vomiting and heaving so more and also having more diarrhea I crashed out in bed.I now don't have a mobile phone but at least my stomache is starting to settle down a bit.....T he diarrhea has stopped completely and I am only bringing up bile now as I don't have anything in my stomache.Still feeling grotty though.More from me another day.Chow for now and keep the stories coming,I really enjoy reading them all!!
I had an embarrasing thing happen yesterday. I got nauseous on the way home from the store and felt like I was going to be sick. I opened the door and started throwing up on the road while at a stoplight. When the light changed, I pulled over and got out of my car where I started throwing up again. This COP stopped to see if I was ok! OMG, how embarrasing. I told him I was going to throw up again and he stayed with me until I finished. How weird is THAT?
my name Dr.Viviano. I am psychologist in private practice.I have a client who is sexually turned on by vomit.Do you or anyone know of any support groups or organizations or anything that would fit his fetish?
Keri: How does sticking your finger in your belly button help you to vomit?
I suffer from travel sickness a hell of alot,in fact the only places my parents take me involves walking rather than sitting in a puke filled car!When I was younger one journey involved so many stops for me to puke it took us 3 hours to arrive instead of the 1 it should have!!(I wasn't popular that day)!!When I get up a bit more courage I will send some more of my tales of woe in for you to enjoy?Until then happy spewing!!!!
Hey there everyone. I have never been here before but I was reading some of these stories and I must say that I do have a concern. I don't know if anyone here has heard of an eating disorder called bulimia. Bulimia is an eating disorder where a person will binge and stuff themselves full with all kinds of food and the ger rid of it by self induced vomiting. Aren't you people just a little concerned that in sharing some of these stories that you might give someone ideas on how the make themselves puke and maybe make a bulimics condition worse? I'm just a little concerned. Thats all.
Thanks for listening,
I love this site it's so cool,I love watching anyone vomiting and also having diarrhea!Does anyone else feel the same way?I also hate getting sick myself!Weird isn't it?
Serena rocks! She's the Emetic Emperess, the Princess of Puke, the Queen of the cookie-toss! Her tales are a mixture of warmth, love and chunkiness that never fail to satisfy. Give us all you've got, Serena, and give it to us in the living room!
Brent, Larry and Shelly
Hello. This is Brent again and I want to write about another time when Mom threw up since she forgot to write about it the other time. One morning Dad woke up my brother and my Mom is the one who does it every morning and it was weird. After I woke up I always have to use the bathroom but Dad said use the bathroom in his room because Mom was using the big one in the hallway that we always use. After my brother and I got dressed for school it was time for us to eat breakfast and my Dad cooked it and that was unusual too because Mom is the one who always does it and Dad said Mom was sick and that's why all of this was happening and I thought so because at the table it smelled like somebody threw up where she sits and so I figured out that she got a stomach ache because my Dad can't cook very good and it tasted so bad she got sick. We ate it and it was eggs and some bacon and toast and it didn't taste good like when Mom makes it but it didn't make me or my brother sick but we! didn't eat it all because it didn't taste good like when Mom makes it because it was burned so we just ate the toast and some cereal. Mom was still throwing up in the bathroom and you could hear it and my Dad went in where she was and stayed inside for a long time and then she came out and she had her pajamas on and she looked real sick and we had to go to school and then she went to bed then my Dad took us to school in the truck and he said Mom had a head ache and that is why she was throwing up and it was not a stomachache from breakfast. I asked if Mom threw up at the table too because it smelled like it and he said yes she did and he had to clean it up and Mom had to go to the doctor and she got well but we got to eat pizza after school because we didn't have supper.
Brent, Larry, and Shelly
Hi Dean. I am Brent and I surf around a lot looking for funny stories all the time. Serena's our mom and she doesent know much about computers so you probably wont get an answer from her but we three read cool stories here all the time because we're off for summer vacation now. I learned how to use the internet in school and so my dad he's really great he got us a computer and I'm teaching all of us all about it like the internet and how to play games. Me and my brother and sister talked my mom into writing the story for everyone to read because I think everybody should donate storys for other people to read because thats how web sites stay alive you know and this one's one of the best. My sisters four and so its not an easy job to teach her because she can't read but she can play some of the games and she is smart for her age. Sometimes Moms weird because most of the time she's like real serious and tries to act like an old person like my grandma but other times when she! gets happy she gets in a good mood she is really a lot of fun and watches all of the baseball games with me and my dad and my brother and talks about farts and barfing and stuff and she used to do a whole lot of throwing up when she was pregnent before my sister was born and sometimes it was pretty gross and funny too when she used to barf in the living room in a garbage can when I was little. I still remember it too and it was my idea to get her a garbage can when she got sick so she wouldn't have to run to the bathroom so much because it was making her too tired. My dad says moms need plenty of rest when they are sick especially and we have to be real nice to her by making sure she doesn't do too many things and get tired. About the tape I loaned it to my best friend Jimmy a long time ago and it got messed up in his walkman but Mom says the next time she barfs she will try to record it again for us so I make sure the tape recorder's batteries are always good and there's a! tape in it.
I liked your puking stories and do you still have the tape recording of your dry heaves?.
The Big Guy
I don't know how I stumbled across this forum but I think it is cool. I'm a lot like Storyteller. I enjoy seeing everything in connection with slim women getting sick. I enjoy seeing them holding their stomach and moaning. I enjoy hearing and seeing all of the noises and gyrations and stuff in connection with them being sick, and I like watching them vomit. I help wherever I can. When my wife gets sick I hold her hair back, rub her back and talk very softly to her. When she has trouble vomiting she asks me to grab her stomach and pull it in, kind of like a Heimlich Manoeuver. It always works. I help women who are sick in public in somewhat the same way. I don't know why this fascinates me the way it does. I seldom get sick myself, and rarely vomit. Please respond to this. And if you can give me an idea where I can find pictures of women being sick please let me know.
Wow! Feel sick? Go to the mall! Go to work! Kids...Mom got stomach flu? Rub her sick ???? while gleefully recording her vomit sounds! If she ever goes into chemo, you can record a whole CD!
Occasionally I get sick and vomit. Never in public, never in front of a tape recorder, never while my kids hold a bucket for me, seldom even in front of my wife. I guess I'm missing out on some real chunky fun!
Hey all! I've got a really nasty story to tell that happened to me back in college. I was in a lecture when my stomach started to hurt. Figuring it was just gas, I curled up a little to relieve it, but to no avail. In about 20 minutes, I started to become nauseous and dizzy. I suddenly felt full, even though I hadn't eat much. THen, guttural noises emitted from my belly and people began to stare. "Are you hungry or something?", a friend asked. But I was far from it! I made it all the way through the lecture, and booked it to my dorm room. All that running made me feel a little more sick though, and by the time I got there, my stomach was lurching. I couldn't feel the chunks rising yet, so I laid down on my bed. The nausea grew worse and worse. I don;t even know how to describe the feeling in my stomach. It was like I had a thousand pounds of Jell-O inside of me. Then, I started to rumble lower down, and I knew the "Hershey Squirts" would be arriving soon. My stomach started to! pulsate and I was getting shaky, so I went to the bathroom. I leaned over the toilet and belched loudly. Then, the chunks started coming up my throat. I crouched down, held my hair back, and out they flew. I heaved so many times I got quite a workout. With each heave came more and more chunks of pizza, bread, and God only knows what else. I hadn't eaten much at all, but stuff just kept coming up! After fifteen minutes of such torture, I belched loudly again, gagged, heaved...but nothing came up. I thought I was done, so I stepped away and looked at myself in the mirror. What a mess! Puke down my shirt, in my hair, around my mouth, bloodshot eyes... ugh! Then, it felt like there was dynamite in my belly. It was the worst feeling I've ever experienced - I thought my belly blew up! With a GIGANTIC heave, unexpectedly, I projectile vomited liquidy barf right onto the mirror. I seriously thought my stomach had exploded. I massaged my aching ????. I felt even worse than before, an! d the nausea was so bad I just wanted to die. Just then, I remembered a trick a friend had taught me when I was drunk and needed to puke. Stick your index finger in your navel and push. I wasn;t sure whether it really worked or if they were just trying to get a laugh out of my silly antics, but I decided to give it a try now. I stood over my garbage can, inserted my finger as deep as I could into my belly button (I have a really deep innie) and pushed as hard as possible. Nothing. I removed my finger (which now had some belly gunk on it) and all I felt was soreness in my navel, which was now turning bright red. Great, I thought. My stomach is killing me, I'm so nauseous I could die, I'm puking, I need to crap, I think my stomach's ruptured(I was so sick I was delirious, ok?lol), and now my belly button is like, broken. As if things couldn;t get any worse, I let out a little fart to relieve the pressure and felt something warm running down my legs. As I was running to the bathr! oom, my rear end gave up on me and out GUSHED about 3 liters of disgusting brown liquid. Right in the hallway. How nice. I was sooooo embarassed, not to mention I had a long recovery. Anyone else have a similar story?
Hi everyone. My kids showed me this site and talked me into posting some material of my own. Starting with the latest, one time last summer my husband and the kids decided to go out for ice cream at our local dairy queen, then to a drive in movie. The kids had vanilla cones, hubby got a banana cone, and I got a strawberry sundae. Everyone seemed to enjoy their treats, but mine tasted kind of weird, like, I think maybe the ice cream had gone bad or something but I didn't complain because I thought it might just be in my head. We went to the movie and it was hot and stuffy and just plain miserable, mosquitoes dominated, and we were all sweating like pigs. About halfway through the movie I started feeling sick but I put on a facade until we left for home. By that time I was so much like throwing up that I leaned my head way back so I wouldn't vomit, but after we pulled up into the yard I opened the car door and practically fell out of the car puking. I puked for about ten ! minutes and my husband had to support me around my waist with my arm around his neck as he walked me into the house. I threw up a trail of ice cream and whatever I'd eaten for dinner all the way to the door and went to bed early. I still think the ice cream I ate might have been spoiled or maybe I just got sick from being too hot. I'm an indoor air conditioned type of person!
Here's about another time I threw up. Once when we had a round of stomach flu going around our house, as always I was the last one to catch it. After I'd nursed my husband and the kids back to health during the week, I came down with the symptoms one Saturday. They'd all gone fishing but I stayed home since it was my turn to be sick. I went to WalMart to cheer myself up, ate a light lunch and browsed the aisles a while, but I soon lost interest and decided to come home. I was coughing, had the sinus congestion, headache and I was nauseated and tired and achey so I turned on the t.v. and started watching some cooking shows and home improvement shows and things like that, the usual shows that are aired on cold winter Saturday afternoons on PBS. I felt pretty bad and I felt borderline vomity all afternoon so I mostly tried to sleep all I could, and every now and then I'd bundle up in my robe and sit on the back porch for some fresh air for a few minutes at a time. Everyon! e ! came in at around 4:30 when it was getting dark. I woke up with my stomach noticeably more upset when they walked in and started saying the usual "Hi Mom", ect. and told me about their day's adventures and how much fun they'd had, and I tried act impressed and show the appropriate enthusiasm and everything while I fixed the obligatory hot cocoa for them to warm up. My husband suggested we go out to Mcdonald's for supper since I was sick and I happily agreed. On the way out to the car I suddenly got hit with a sudden attack of nausea so I leaned against the house and I began burping out all of what I'd eaten, plus the orange juice and assorted cold remedies which I'd been nibbling all day and it was terribly acid and burned my throat. So I just stayed home while everyone went out to get something to eat. They brought me some chicken nuggets and fries which I was too sick to eat at first. The rest of the evening we watched t.v. and I was running back and forth to the ba! th! room to puke some more, and my husband finally went to bed. I wasn't sleepy so I watched t.v. and my kids stayed up all night in the living room with me, bringing me juice and medicine and just sitting with me on the sofa keeping me company, rubbing my ????, and generally being nice to me, though I was in pretty good spirits despite my illness. They even brought a wastebasket to save me a trip to the bathroom the next time I felt like puking, which I used a few times but it was only the dry heaves. They recorded my disgusting sound effects on tape, by the way, while I sicked up into the waste basket! Later my stomach felt more settled and I thought I should try to eat so I popped the nuggets in the microwave and forced down some of them and was rewarded soon afterwards with an attack of the runs! I won't bore you with that part. It's just a phenomenon in my house when everybody gets sick, I'm the last one to catch it, if at all.
Here's one my kids won't remember since it happened before they were born, when I was in high school. It was my senior year, 1986. It must have been something from the school cafeteria that didn't agree with me because one day after lunch I was sitting there in English class and gradually started feeling vomity, little by little until it had become a major case of sickness. I'll never forget that lunch, it was pork chops, macaroni and cheese, corn, rolls, milk, an apple and a piece of cake. At first I thought I might be all right so I tried to keep it down, but the feeling got worse and worse, and progressed to the point where I felt so weak and sick that I didn't even have the strength to ask to be excused to go to the restroom, (not that I'd have had the strength to make it there, anyways by now)! I thought this might happen so I sort of sat sidesaddle in my seat as best I could, to keep from ruining my books and stuff. So I just sat there fighting the vomity feeling. ! I brought up some puke in my mouth and swallowed it back down, and this repeated a couple of times until the pressure became so great that it got away from me and this huge column of junk from my stomach sprayed forcefully out of my mouth and made a puddle on the floor. Some of it splashed on a boy's pantleg and shoe that happened to be sitting next to me, and to make matters worse, the floor was carpeted and they never could remove the stain. I saw that stain I'd made every day for the rest of the year! It stunk and tasted awful and I couldn't make it stop. It was running down to my lap and everthing. I did it again and this time I wanted to run out of the classroom but I felt too weak so it basically took the same path as before. There was an awful lot of it, seemed like more than the amount I actually ate so maybe it was not only my lunch, but also my breakfast and dinner from last night. It seemed like everthing was in slow motion, and everybody seemed awestruck. T! he teacher and one of the other girls helped me to the bathroom where I leaned over a sink and then I really let it go full force. Soon afterwards a couple of girls from my class came into the bathroom and got sick too. I guess the sight of me was too much for them. After I got my stomach empty I began to feel better so I cleaned myself up and went to the office to check out, and the other two girls were still sick in the bathroom when I left. I'd left chunks in the sink that wouldn't rinse down the drain so I just left them there but I still had that horrible greasy-bile taste in my mouth and throat that I couldn't get rid of. I went home, drank some alka seltzer and took a nap. I felt just fine and I even was able to eat a normal dinner that night.
Accident girl like your story would like to know what happened after that posting
All I can say is i wish i had been there to watch you puke.
I'm a guy who happens to like seeing chicks in the act of puking. I'm not disgusted by women who vomit at all!!. What's your reaction to that?
I don't exactly know how I came across this page, but I came across from another web site. I'm reading these stories, and I think that they are so funny. Anyway, here is my story:
About a year ago, I was with a girl whom I really liked alot. Well, for a Friday evening, I decided that I would take her out to do something. She wanted to go to some Mexican restraunt, so I took her out. Well, after the meal, we were walking back towards the parking lot. She told me that she wasn't feeling well. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that she felt sick to her stomach. Well, the only thing that I could do was offer her a ride back to her house. While driving, she was banging on my dashboard trying to get my attention. I asked her if she was okay, she yelled (as if she was frightened) "I feel like I'm going to throw up...Pull over..." Well, when I heard that, I pulled over....and very fast (I'm a fanatic about my car, I didn't want to get it messed up..) she jum! ped out of my car, and about 15 seconds later, she threw up everything that she had eaten. I felt so bad for her. We stayed on the side of the highway for about 15 minutes where she was constantly throwing up. I asked her if she was okay, she told me that she needed to use the toilet. I told her that we were about 12 miles from town, and perhaps the nearest restroom. I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she was going to have a diarrahea attack. The only thing that I could think of, was to find a thick tree for her to go behind. I told her to "go there" and I will get some kleenex for her when she finishes. I felt so bad for her. She must have had some food poisoning from the restraunt. When she was finished, (at least 20 minutes), I took her to her home, and explained what had happened to her parents. I told them that she had gotten sick, etc. They were grateful that I told them, and I just drove home.
The next day I went to visit her, and she was ! still sick. I felt so bad that she had to get sick like that, so I decided to buy her something from one of the local gift shops. I wish that I didn't take her to that restraunt.
I have been sick since 3 AM. I don't know what's wrong with me yet, but I woke up at 3 this morning, ran/staggered to the bathroom, threw up a little bit of stuff, and went back to bed. When I got up later to go to work (secretary), I didn't feel as bad-- not entirely well, but good enough to go to work. I had a bagel for breakfast, as usual, and headed off to work.
I got to work a little early, talked about stupid stuff and mourned the Smashing Pumpkins' breakup with my coworkers, and headed upstairs to have a little time to sit down and clear my head before I had to do anything. About five minutes after I sat down at my desk, the regular work day started. For some reason I had to work harder than usual. I got everything done, of course, but I could feel my stomach gradually starting to feel worse throughout the day. By lunch, I was completely averse to eating anything so I just sat at my desk, hoping that the feeling would pass. But I wasn't that lucky. (Obviously, ! since if I was I wouldn't be posting it here.)
The pressure in my stomach steadily built until it felt like I was either going to have to puke or risk exploding and sending little pieces of secretary shrapnel flying all over the office. I kept trying to will myself into keeping it down, but suddenly the saliva started building up in my mouth and I broke out in a sweat. I ran into the ladies' bathroom (as best I could with high heels on), locked myself in a stall, and knelt in front of the toilet. I felt completely horrible, but nothing was coming up, so I forced myself to cough while thinking about the most disgusting things I could. That worked and pretty soon I let out this massive "KAAAAAAK!" noise, producing a sour-smelling pukefest of dark orange slime and brownish-green chunks pouring out of my mouth and nose. I gasped for air and heaved again, bringing up more orange goo. As I knelt there on the floor with vomit dripping from my lips, I could hear a panicked "s! ympathetic puker" a few stalls down losing her stomach contents as well, alternating between crying, retching loudly, and gasping for air.
The sound effects from the other person sent my own stomach back over the edge. It started to churn, so I assumed the position again and steadied myself while the next set of stomach spasms ran their course. After about a half an hour, I assumed that since no new heaving episodes had taken place I could go ask my boss to let me leave without having to puke for a while. Despite my pale green-tinged face, red-rimmed eyes, and puke breath, it took forever to get him to let me leave, so I was practically pleading. "Please?" I said, trying to look as pathetic as possible. "I just threw up. I need to go home." Finally he let me leave, but since he'd taken up a lot of time, the next set of spasms started while I was driving home and I had to pull over and puke onto the side of the road. Finally I got home, and after a fourth puking sessi! on, decided to tell my story to the vomiting elite. :)
Parking lot puke? I've seen lots of that.<BR>
I worked the better part of eight years for a well known fast food outlet. If you've eaten there, you'll know it's got a distinctive menu. With its policy of low prices and late hours of operation, it's a favorite destination for drunks after they've spent all their money on liquor, and for crackheads, who have similarly spent all their money on narcotics. Every weekend, car after car, filled with the mental midgets I described, would order grease-on-a-shingle in the drive thru window. They'd park all over the parking lot. When they left, there would be little puddles of retch, varying in size, color, and composition, near the spots where their cars were idled.<BR>
While I'm ashamed to tell anyone I ever had anything to do with that company, I take pride in the fact that I can name just about anything on the menu merely by looking at the resulting puddle of vomit. Shreds of li! mp, green lettuce and strands of cheese in a smallish puddle? That was a taco! Does that same puddle contain white, slimy crumbs of tortilla, or perhaps yellow, puffy bits of corn shell? That would make it a soft taco or hard shell taco, respectively. The ground beef just makes little black boogers in the puddle, while the chicken remains in recognizable shreds. Bigger puddle, including red tomato bits and white, noxious, coagulating sour cream? That, my friends, was a burrito supreme! Pretty much the same thing with maggoty-looking rice and slimy green guacamole denotes a seven-lay-her burrito. Lots of yellow corn shell leavings, along with yellow glop? That would have been a serving of nachos, and the addition of the beef, tomato and sour cream remnants would make a Nachos Supreme or Nachos BellGrande. Just a small, brown and white mess with no chunks? That was a bean burrito, which was popular with the city's homeless population, since no teeth are required to eat them. Las! tly, a great big white and brown splat with only some tiny green chunks would be a Mexican Pizza, the drunkards favorite! The tiny green chunks were, and perhaps still could be considered, green onions. The parking lot would have to be swept, then thoroughly hosed off, in the morning, as it was a security risk to do so at night.<BR>
One of the drunkards passed out while trying to place an order at the speaker. His head came to rest on the steering wheel, causing the car's horn to wail in protest, but he was sound asleep. I just left him there, with the horn wailing, for nearly 10 minutes, until some people behind him put the car into gear and rolled it away. Another lush passed out while parked, but the engine was still running, and the rear window of his pickup was slightly open. I planned to stick the end of a garden hose into the tailpipe, the other end into the window, then close the window as tightly as possible, but I thought better of it, a! s I would surely be caught. Other times, passengers would barf in the drive-thru lane as the driver was trying to order, leaving a slick road hazard for the trailing cars to track all over the length of the driveway.<BR>
A coworker of mine was especially disturbed by one drunken crack whore, called the police, and had her arrested for drunken driving. When we left, half of her meal was uneaten, and resting on the dashboard of her abandoned car. She made an attempt to eat the other half, but it was in a puddle on the pavement. The puddle was round, except for one footprint, which probably belonged to the arresting officer. My coworker had to lose about two days' worth of pay to testify against this unknown stranger, so she vowed to never "get involved" again. I had to agree. Rather than get law enforcement involved, I would load up customers' meals with white onions. Onions and booze don't mix well at all.<BR>
If you've ! been binge drinking all night, it's probably best to pass by those inviting, mercury-vapor-lit fast food outlets. Avoid making an ass of yourself; go to a convenience store, get some frozen burritos, eat them at home (AFTER you reheat them), and make puddles of burrito vomit in private. The apathetic peon behind the glass knows how to make you puke, and could very well have you arrested. Rection.
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